Page B6 The Castlegar Sun Wednesday, December 6, 1995 | It’s not always true... Even though this is a serious and sad subject, I felt it was one that needed to be addressed. In the past two articles, I introduced five myths related to infidelity. Today I want.us to look at two more In the final article, we will look at “The Philanderers”, both men and women and a woman whom Frank Pittman III calls the Spider Woman. These thoughts are taken from an article and book written by Dr. Pittman called Private Lies: Infidelity and the betrayal of Inti- macy. After 30 years of dealing with the mess of infidelity in marriages, he seems qualified to write with authority on the subject. Myth #6: /t is best to pretend not to know. Silence fuels the affair which can thrive only in secrecy. Remember affairs are about secrecy and dishonesty, seldom about being in love. Repairs can only begin when it is out in the open and affairs are ended. Dr. Pittman says, “The continued lying and denial is usually the most unforgivable aspect of the infidelity.” For some strange almost a game. It's a deadly game, because of the destruction and death that follow it. Once an affair is known or reason, the infidels want to do all that is possible to drive their mates to such dis- orientation that they will doubt their own sanity rather then doubt their partners even suspected, there is no safety in denial, but there is hope in admission. Why don't men or women believe a lie when all the evidence points in that direction? Some of the DAY BY DAY WILMA GAETZ reasons are big ones: they want the security of the marriage, they don't want to face the shame, they don't want to give up the dream that this person will love me above all others, the biggest being the fear of being alone We are conditioned to believe is the worst thing in the world. It isn't. Being deceived, humiliated, not respected, not valued by someone we have trusted is the worst thing in the world. Myth #7: After an affair, divorce is inevitable. How can that be true?: With therapy, most adul- terous marriages can be saved and may even be stronger and more intimate that they were before the crisis. Of course, more affairs that follow the first one drops the odds greatly. Guilt is needed and necessary, but it must come from within, not from the spouse. Guilt is good, shame is not. It makes us run and hide. The most important part of it all is to take responsibility for the betrayed. one’s own actions. That means the betrayer and It doesn't have to be the end, it can be the inning of a i fidelity. It is where each is truly known and accepted and valued in a realistic manner. Unrealistic expectations may be the culprit that started this whole sad affair! KCCC receives funds for children’s program Submitted Before you use that lighter check its brand name! Submitted ‘The Health Protection Branch (HPB) of Health Canada is (COMET, KING and TATYO) recently imported into Canada ‘The brand name is st: on the metal shield of these lighters. The Health Protection Branch adyises consumers to stop using them immediately and dispose of them in accor- dance with local laws. The importers of these prod- ucts are cooperating with Health Canada and have voluntarily ed to Health Canada, Parents are reminded that child-resistant lighters are not Kootenay Columbia Child Care Society received funding from Health Canada to start a Community Action Program for Children (CAPC). The program has been under- way in Castlegar for just over six months now. There is a new project worker, Eileen Audet, who replaced Leslie Streleoff who is now working for the Ministry of Social Services, Katrina Conroy, executive director of the Child Care Society says, “The project worker has changed but not the goals of the program.” The program is for families with children six years old or younger. A family recognizes it is under a lot of stress. The stress may be caused by being a young or a single parent, being isolated or using parenting techniques that do not work. That stress affects the well- being of the children in the fami- ly. If the family chooses to partic- ipate in the program, the parent would be encouraged to make decisions about which areas to work on, where and when to meet and over how long a period the meetings would take place. The greatest asset of the pro- gram is it is the parent who makes the decisions. The program also offers group activities, Eileen Audet and San- dra Crossley, the infant develop- See KCCCS 87 was... / saw the bright fight and wondered what child-proof, To avoid a tragedy, A Kootenay Christmas Story Budding writers ages 10 and up are invited to write a story, up to 250 words, starting with “I saw the bright light and wondered what it was...” and finishing with “Thank goodness for friends...” Please submit your stories to: The Castiegar Sun 465 Columbia Avenue Castlegar, BC VIN 1G8 by Wednesday, December 13, 1995 and they will appear in our December 20 issue. Great Prizes. Watch for more details! lighters and matches nmst be kept out of sight and out of reach of young children. Consumers can contact the nearest regional Health Protec- tion Branch office of Health Thank, poodhess QZ The Ci sti¢gar Sun 7S The weekly paper with a daily ——— ye Wednesday, December 6, 1995 The Castlegar Sun We’re ready for Christmas, are you? Down at the C.P. Rail Station museum, Deb and the vol ing insight into Castlegar's past are getting the Gift Shop stocked up for Christmas and have sched- uled a series of Saturday Craft Fairs till Dec, 16 from 10a.m.- 4p.m. These have been very suc- cessful in previous years and the variety and quality of merchan- dise offered is astounding! The recent purchase of a new photocopy machine will widen the services available at the museum, For example, it will now be possible to get a photo- copy of past news events from the great collection of Castlegar News editions back to 1948, always available for research and reference—or just some fascinat- If you are a Christmas letter to your family and friends, A STEP IN TIME ~ cP. Rail Station Museum/Provincial Police Build- ing and Zuckerberg Island Her- itage Park/Chapel House from abandoned, neglected eyesores to the worldwide fame as places to see in British Columbia. The Castlegar and District Heritage Society has gone from a le phi and manual typewriter CAROLEE Fitz-GERALD the price of copies is only 10 cents—a bargain! Years of volunteer labor, grants, funding from the City of to a computer and sophisticated copier. If anyone would like to make a donation to the fund or would like to gift the Society with a computer for Christmas, you would certainly rank way up there with Santa Claus. We are open daily 9-5, some weekends Castlegar, i fu ig and donations have brought the when vol S$ are available and every Saturday till Dec. 16! HEY KIDS! It's time to write your letter to Santa! L Dear Children of Castlegar & Area, ! am anxiously awaiting your letters so that | can make sure that my sleigh is filled with your gifts. Mrs. Claus and | are fine. She won't be baking this year so | hope you leave me something to eat. The staff at The Castlegar Sun have agreed to collect your letters and send them on to me. So, send your letters soon to Santa Claus c/o The Castlegar Sun Going ape: Last Friday, Elaine Ryder of Song and Jest, dressed as a gorilla, deliv- ered a birthday balloon-o-gram to a completely surprised Angie Brodman of Cana- da Safeway., Ryder will dress up and deliver balloons or singing telegrams and loves to be invited to parties and dress up as a party clown. ‘SUN STAFF PHOTO Marlyn Strong a 7 BIG WHITE MOTOR LODGE sou KELOWNA Gad DLAMOND 465 Columbia Avenue, Castlegar, B.C. V1N 1G8 OO CHRISTMAS GD The Sun will print the letters in the newspaper on December 20 and by then | will be packing my sleigh. Please send the letters in by Wednesday December 13 and I'll be sure to get them. SHOPPER'S SPECIAL jooms *® Per Night we $3O° EE Ask about our SKI packages RESERVATIONS = KCCCS Continued from B6 ment program co-ordinator, are Starting a group Dec. 7. The groups is for parents with chil- dren who have special needs. “It is an opportunity for par- ents to get together and talk about the experiences, the joys and con- cerns of having a child with spe- cial needs and if the parents wish, we can arrange for guest speak- ers,” says Sandra Crossley. In January, a self-help group with an emphasis on parenting issues is planned. There will be 10 weekly ses- sions where the group will dis- cuss and share information on for friends. ig which do not meet safety regu- lations. such topics as effective disci- pline, eating, sleeping, tantrums and sibling rivalry. If you would like more infor- mation regarding the program and the groups being offered you can.call the Kootenay Columbia Child Care Society at 365-8448. initiated recalls. No injuries have been report- Canada if they have any ques- tions concerning these products. 1-800-663-8603 1891 Parkinson Way, Kelowna, B.C. V1Y 7V6 511 Front Street, Nelson (604) 354-1700 ¢ {tax} 354-1666 Out of town call: 1-800-932-1414 High ¥ eon Graphic Design & Typese lin 5 CANADIANS CAN’T BREATHE PROPERLY But you can beat the odds on lung disease. | am U4 he gl Arm yourself with the latest lung facts from the B.C. Lung Association Reduce air pollution from residential wood smoke and auto emissions with tips from the Association ‘a ° SANTA WILL BE AT JELLY BEAN JUNCTION ° — ¢ CHESTNUT ROAST ¢ SLEIGH RIDES ) ) )) @) * TREE LIGHTING ¢ REINDEER PRANCE . DOWNTOWN ROSSLAND UPLANDER HOTEL ei Tera Lea's ie ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULE aS, * Fashions} Christmas é Sale Almost Upon Us! mananennese SS i = : en SEE US FOR A GREAT SELECTION OF Art Gallery * : y ON cbiintns patie fd: we x © w ° w “a bss ~ SKIWEAR FOR ADULTS & KIDS! (Kids Sizes 4 to 16) MUSIC: Rock & Bives! " ay A. 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