The: Castlegar Sun Wednesday, February 26, 1992 Going to funeral would have shown respect and support Dear Ann Landers: | am 41 and “Judy” is 45. We have been good friends for several years. About six months ago, Judy called to say her mother was sick with pneumonia, I had never met Selling something? Phone 365-5266 | .~BOOKS | BOOKS ABOOK is BOOKS AGIFT THAT CAN BE BOOKS OPENED AGAIN & AGAIN Goueust A FINE PLACE TO RELAX 362-5333 Open 7 days a week in downtown Rossland her mother | only knew that she had been ina pursing home tor 10 years with Alzheimer’s. Judy never visited her mother, even though she lived in the same town. She said that her mother didn’t recognize her and it was too depressing to stare into those vacant eyes amd get absolutely no response. The nursing home put her mother in the hospital when she came down with pnéumonia and Judy went to see her once When I asked her if she at least called the hospital to see how her mother was getting along, Judy said it had never occurred to her. HAIRLINES 1444 Columbia Ave., Castlegar, B.C., 365-6700 Mon. - Sat. Wed. &e Thurs. ‘til 8:00 pm ANDERSON INSURANCE AGENCIES LTD. — We Serve You First © Permits MOTOR LICENCE @ OFFICE 365-3392 © 3 Month Autoplan Available Now © Financing 0.A.C. © All Special Coverages - Family and Estate Transfers - Out-of- Province Registration * Let us also assist you with all your personal, business and travel insurance Even after I mentioned it, she never called to check Two months ago, Judy called me. crying and sobbing as if she had lost her best friend. She told me that her mother had died and that the funeral was to be held the following day at 1:00 p.m. In order to attend, I would have ‘had to take time off from work. I made a conscious decision not to go for two reasons. First, | had never met Judy's mother, and second, I felt that if Judy wouldn't take the time to visit her mother, why should she expect me to? I sent a large donation to the Alzheimer's Association in mem- ory of Judy‘s mother. A month later, I asked Judy if she had received an acknowledgment from the Alzheimer's Association about my donation. She said she had, but it would have meant more if I had gone to the funeral. She never did thank me. Our friendship has not been the same since. I feel that she must be a very selfish and cold person to have ignored her mother all those years. She thinks I'm not a good friend because I didn’t go to the funeral. Please tell me who is right. Our friendship now seems lost and I don’t know how to get it back on track. — Sue in Conn. Dear Sue: Funerals serve a dual Purpose — to show respect for the deceased and to give emotional support to the living. Even though you didn’t know Judy's mother, you could have gone to the funer- al to comfort your friend. The fact that she did not visit her mother in the nursing home shoukl have been no concem of yours. lt is often extremely diffi- cult to visit family members when there is no recognition, but many people do it out of respect for what used to be. In Judy's case, she may have had a very poor relationship with her mother. Obviously you miss Judy a great deal. I suggest that you give her a call and apologize. If the friendship was a solid one she will be happy to hear from you and things will get back on track. I wish you luck. Ann Landers Syndicated Columnist ANNOUNCEMENT Castlegar & District Hospital Effective March 1, 1992 Castlegar & District Hospital will be a NON-SMOKING facility. There-will be... NO smoking ardas available in the hospital. WHOLESALE CLEAROUT 3 Days Only Feb. 22-24-25 On Selected Units Listed Below 1991 Chevrolet Caprice LTZ V-8, fuel inj., auto., fully loaded 1991 Chevy Sprint Turbo 2 door coupe, AM/FM cassette 100% Financing O.A.C. 1991 Chevy '/: Ton 4x4 P.U. Scotsdale 350, 5 speed, air cond., stereo, mags, demo. 1992 14/2-Dr. Geo Metro's Coupes, 3 cyl., fuel inj., 5 speed. 6/4-Dr. Geo Metro's Also available, all units will be cleared out during our 3 day sale, so make your offer today. 1992 15/Chevy Cavaliers To choose from, every model available, excellent financing available to the qualified buyer or take advantage of G's alternative cash back program, every reasonable offer will be considered during the sale NO DEALERS PLEASE 1992 6/Chevy S-10 4x4 Pickups Available. Various models including 3 extended cabs. All. units will be offered at such low prices trades cannot be considered. Vehicles Dodge Dakota V-6, 5 speed, 20,000 km., very clean 1991 Chevy S-10 Pickup Fuel inj., 4 cyl, 5 speed, bal. of war., 25,000 km. 1987 Chev Celebrity Euro 4-dr. sdn., V-6, 5 sp., 60,000 km., bal. war., ex. cond. 2296 Quality Pre-Owned. Special 1988 Pontiac Tempest 4-dr., V-6, 5 speed, air cond., stereo, two tone paint, only 58,000 km. your offer Make SALE ENDS 6 P.M. TUESDAY, FEB. 26/92 NELSON/352 1990 Ford Bronco II XLT V-6; auto., fully loaded, 59,000 km. All offers considered 1991 S-10 Blazer 4x4 4.3.V-6, auto., fully loaded, Tahoe pkg., 77,000 km., clean 1988 Chevy '/: Ton Short Box V-6, 5 speed, excellent little work truck. Dear Ann Landers: I was dis- mayed to read in your column that the book “The Best and Worst of Everything” mistakenly claims that Bates College is the second most expensive college in the country. Wrong. Currently our comprehensive fee (tuition plus room and. board) is $21,400. This places Bates at No. 39. Correction, please. — Stuart C. Greene, news director, Bates College, Lewiston, Maine Dear Bates: The rotten egg award goes to Les Krantz, whose book contained this misinforma- tion. For shame. Dear Ann Landers: A few months ago, a friend of my wife's asked if I would help her move to a distant city. Since I was unem- ployed at the time, I agreed to do it for a few hundred dollars. I was glad to pick up the extra money and it allowed her to save more than $600 off the lowest bid by a professional mover. I broke down the furniture, loaded the truck. drove it 900 miles, unloaded it and reassembled the beds and other pieces that had been dis- mantled Unfortunately. along the way. | hit a steeply angled service station overhang. It had no clearance markings. After negotiations with the truck rental firm, rep Am I wrong to feel this way? My wife says Tam. 111 respect your wishes. Bither way, I don't intend to bring this matter up with the friend. Thank you. — Left Hold- ing the Bag Dear Holding: If your friend cure for tinnitus, you may learn of new ways to cope with it, Good luck. Dear Aan Landers: Recently you printed a letter from “Alan Wright, Apalachicola, Fla.” who believes that human male aggres- sion has been traced back to Day had hired a moving company, any damage ii while ing her furniture would have been the company’s liability. She want- ed to save some money and you were happy to get the extra, work, but unfortunately, it didn't work Out very well — at least not for you. Your friend is under no obliga- tion to share-in the cost of the accident, but she might have done so had she chosen to be generous. ‘The lesson to be leamed is this: Should you help anyone move in the future, have an understanding that in case of an accident, he or she pays half. Dear Ann Landers: I empathize with ~Faithful Reader in North Carolina.~ 1, too, detest the audio garbage on the tele- Phone when I’m put on hold, and the music in elevators sets my teeth on edge. At home, however, I have music playing constantly. It’s not that I am afraid of silence, as your reader suggests. I would welcome REAL silence, but I will never know what silence is unless I become totally deaf. Thanks to parents who didn’t care where they hit me when I was a child and noisy factories where I worked my way through college, I have tinnitus. In a total- ly silent room the sounds in my ears are deafening. There is no way I can escape it. Gentle music (not television, which I generally detest) helps me focus my atten- tion on what I'm doing, rather than on the three distinct noises I hear constantly — a high whistle, a low whistle and the rushing sound that resembles a strong wind blowing past my ears. Tam not looking for sympathy. I've adapted to the tinnitus and the resulting hearing impairment quite well. I just wish that people who are fortunate enough to have normal hearing would have a little more passion for those of us were paid which came to a bit more than my fee, and I ended up with nothing. I. feel that my wife's friend should have paid part of the repair bill. After all, she saved over 40 Percent on her moving costs and the damage was not the result of carelessness. It was a freak acci- dent. As the driver of the rental truck. I did my best. I was not who don't. We are not addicted to noise. Short of total deafness, most of us would give anything to get away from it. — L.B., Ingle- side, DL. Dear L.B.: There is help for you and others who suffer with this affliction. For further information, send a postcard with your name and address to the American Tinnitus A iation, P.O. Box 5, Portland, Ore. 97207. While there is no Feb. Jen D., Happy Belated 11th Love, Mom, Dad & Lisa Feb. Dena, Happy 218t Birthday, Love your friends up the street Gloria, Happy 83rd Birthday, From Marie, Marlene, Sharon, Ginny, Trish & Jane and all your friends at the old age home Cody Kosianis, Love, Mom, Dad, Tiffany & Ashley Clare Verigin, Happy Birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY From the Popotts Feb.27 Jenniter Stahiey, Love Mom & Ded Feb. 28 Stevie Powtniketf, 11 yrs, From Mom, Dad, Scott, Shewn Sheldon THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS INDICATED BY LOGO Phone in your birthday wish & we will print it free of charge. All birthday greetings must be phoned in the Have you tried our Spicy Spira] Fries? “They’re Great!” Two of history and to the life of Mr. and Mrs. Oog. Wall, I'd like to tell Mr. Wright he is Wrong. T am a caseworker for victims of domestic violence. My theory is that it started on Day One of recorded history with the parents of Mr. Oog. Domestic violence is “hereditary.” Grandpa Oog kept Grandma Oog in line by using physical violence. “Oogie” grew up thinking this was the way to treat a wife. So when he married Mrs. Oog he treated her the way he saw his mother treated. Ann, it’s heartbreaking to meet these victims of domestic vio- lence. Not only are they physical- ly battered but their self-esteem is so low they think they deserve the beatings. I tell them, “No matter what you did, you didn’t deserve to be hit.” And they say, “Well if I hadn't driven his car to work, I wouldn't have hit the telephone pole and he wouldn't have beat me over the head with the frying pan.” Or “If I hadn't talked to Mike's brother when I called to talk to his girlfriend, he wouldn't have choked me with the phone cord.” I've talked with abusers who have told me that “she asked for it~ or that “she likes it.” Those are dumb excuses. In all my years of working with victims, both men and women, I’ve never had any- one say, “I enjoy getting knocked around. It’s a fun way to spend an evening.” Let me add one last piece of information to all the Mr. Wrights. Don’t think you can~l be a victim, because you can. And if you are, odds are that you will sustain seri- ous injuries. Why? Because if SHE is the abuser, she will proba- bly use u weapon. — Any Case- worker, Any City, USA Dear USA: I can't dispute a word you've said. Read on: Dear Ann Landers: I was sur- prised that you printed several let- ters on male aggression without making a comment. I'm a senior at California State University, Fresno. The letter about the nagging Mrs. Oog seemed not only to advocate vio- lence against women but to blame spousal abuse on the victim. It’s perfectly OK to publish that letter in the interest of free speech, but I expected you to respond and say that, although the story was humorous, domestic violence is not caused or justified by a nagging wife. Also, several previous letters focused on the aggressiveness of women, indicating that there are still a lot of men who are denying their aggressive tendencies. This scares me. Women will not be able to go for evening walks or come home from work after dark without fear until men accept responsibility for their actions. I do not expect every man to stand up and yell, ~]1 am an aggressive creature” but I do expect them to say, “I can control myself.~ Thank you for providing a forum for such discussions. — Lynn Verduzco, Fresno Dear Lynn Verduzco: The Oog routine was funny. I didn’t print it for its social significance. Your letter arrived with hundreds more accusing me of being insensitive to women’s issues and siding with the men. What a switch! For the last several years I've received endless complaints from males who accuse me of being a man- basher, a wild-eyed feminist and worse. I learned long ago that it's impossible to please everybody and I've just seen the evidence. Wednesday, February. 26, 1992 The Castlegar Sun By Toni D'Amato MW’ son insists that Chuck Connors was a profes- sional ballplayer for the Brooklyn Dodgers. | saw quite a few Dodgers games when | was a kid, and | don't recall seeing Chuck Connors in the lineup. Who is right? — B.K., Albany, N.Y, Chuck Connors, who soared to television fame on “The Rifleman” (1958-63), is from Brooklyn, N.Y.. and he did play pro baseball before be- coming an actor. In 1949 he played in one game for the Brooklyn Dodgers and did not get a hit in his one at-bat In 1951 Connors played in 66 games for the Chicago Cubs most of them at first base; he batted .239 with 48 hits. two home runs and 18 rbi. He was so proficient at sports that he was offered 27 athletic college scholarships after he graduat- ed from high school I Ozzie Nelson still alive? If so, how old is he? — D.E., Austin, Minn. Ozzie Nelson, who delighted TV viewers on “The Adven- tures of Ozzie & Harriet” from 1952-66, died in 1975 at the age of 69. He achieved fame (yrgugh his efforts as an actor, producer and director, but he had many accomplish ments long before he became a household name: At 13. he was the nation’s youngest Ea- gle Scout, and he was an ex- ceptional student and ‘star quarterback in college Ww there a TV series about Dracula (and I don't mean “Dark Shadows”)? Who played Dracula? — K.R., Canton, Ohio You must be thinking of "The Curse of Dracula.” a short- lived 1979 series that featured Michael Nouri as Count Dra- cula. An interesting twist to this version of the Dracula yarn 1s that he was living in San Francisco and teaching European history in the eve hings ata local college. He was pursued by the grandson of Professor von Helsing, Kurt von Helsing. “The Curse of Dracula” aired as part of a serial titled “Chiff Hangers.” Ww Fearless Fosdick the star o({ his own TV se- ries back in the ‘50s? I was lerazy about “Lid Abner,” but I don't recall the details of this show. — G.I, Rockford, Il. “Fearless Fosdick” was a car- toon series that aired from July to September. in 1952 Fosdick. a detective. was a character from the “Li'l Abner™ comic strip, and he was brought to life through the use of animation and the Mary Chase Marioncttes PICKFORD'S FILMS - I un- derstand that Mary Pickford was a child star. What was her date of birth? How many films did she star in? - W.S.C., Vista, Calif. Actress and United Artists co-founder Mary Pickford, who would come to be known as “America’s Sweetheart,” was born Gladys Mary Smith in Toronto, Canada, on April 8, 1893. Sources disagree on which film was her first; some cite “The Lonely Villa” and others “Her First Biscuits.” Both films were thade in 1909, when she was {6 years old. By the time of her death, she had made nearly 200 movies. (That number includes shorts. ) Her 27. Legiess reptile 29. 1V : War captives var. 54. Road for passage abbr. full-length films include “Pol- lyanna” “Little Lord Faunt- leroy” “Tess of the Storm Country” and “Coquette,” her first talking picture, for which she won an Academy Award in 1929. Pickford also received a Special Academy Award in 1975 for her contributions to the film industry. She died in 1979 = Keep your business on track! Let The Sun help keep you Tolling 565-2278 Sun Advertising A a Page 7B Calvin and Hobbes “BOURGEOIS BUFFOON.” CAN You BELIEVE MOM REJECTED _ & MY GRANT z = APPLICATION 2 | TO CONTINUE — [rus 1S MY SNOW SCULPTURE, MAKING THESE? _ by Bill Watterson BABY BLUES WAPER CHANGING NY PROOFING... 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