Page 8B The Castlegar Sun Wednesday, February 17, 1993 oing time for charity... Top left: Mary Lewis was taken away in handcuffs for a barbeque infraction. Top centre: Gerald Lem- cke was dressed as an arresting officer and per- formed his duties well. Top right: Jim Sweeney, Fire and Safety Chief at Celgar hoards the bread and water. Centre left: A group of cons does hard time. Centre right: Castlegar Sun Publisher Marilyn Strong is given bread and water by the Staff to help her get therough her ‘life sentence’. Bottom left: Mayor Audrey Moore tries to relax by reading a paper while waiting for her sentence to end. Bottom right: Hi Arrow Hotel Manager Don Lemcke presents a cheque to Connie Vereshagin (left) and Kim Adamson (right) from the Tender Care Variety Centre representing monies raised at the Hi Arrow golf tournament last fat, . Wednesday, February 17, 1993 The Castlegar Sun Page 9B I! was 'Conned' into Doin’ Hard Time! MARILYN STRONG Publisher The Set-Up Two weeks ago, two of the Castlegar Sun fimembers, who shall remain nameless not blameless, approached me for a donation to contribute towards the ‘jailing’ of Shar lene Imhoff, the Castlegar Sun editor. This was to be part of the "Doing time for charity” fundraiser being sponsored by the Hi Arrow Motor Hotel, West Kootenay Kabs, CKQR and the Castle- gar Sun with all proceeds went to the Variety Club. Our staff decided to charge Shar- lene for being too tough for her size. I forked out the $11.00, giggled and smiled The arrest was set for noon and I wanted to be there The Jail and our cellmates Paul Phipps, the Principal at Twin Rivers was there but his charge of harassment to the staff and cruelty to rodents was only worth | hour. How we envied him. It was easy to see that this was going to be a busy afternoon. My thoughts about leisurely sit ting around, drinking coffee and reading the paper quickly evapo: rated when Ken Poznikoff from Pope & Talbot was brought in for passing himself off as a union rep. His punishment? Only 1-hour With four hours and 20 min- utes left on the ‘sentence’ we dis covered that so far, more than 35 people had beén targeted to be arrested and jailed for numerous crimes against their friends, neighbours, employees and boss- es. As the four of us compared notes to see who squealed on us, Ken was adainant about who had There, in the front lobby of the Sun office, in full Keystone cop splendor were Gerald and Debbie Lemcke. | quickly realized that the cops were there for me and to add insult to injury, my own $11.00 donation was actually a contribution to my own time! The Arrest Just before noon I received a page to come downstairs because someone was here to see me. There, in the front lobby of the Castlegar Sun offices, in full Keystone cop splendor were Gerald and Debbie Lemcke. As the staff started to laugh and take pic- tures I ickly realized that the cops weren't there for Sharlene; they were there for me. I listened as they read me my charge and arrested me not for one hour, but for all five hours the whole remainder of the day. I had been charged with riding my broom too fast in the slow zone. And to add insult to injury my own $11.00 @6nation to Sharlene’s jailing was actually a contri- bution to my own time! My punishment was a 5-hour fine’ in the Hi Arrow Hotel jail (also known as the Lounge). I was shocked, and protested my innocence (and my stupidity for contributing my Own money). It was to no avail I was placed in the back- seat of the car, had my door locked and was taken away, just like a common criminal When we arrived at the Hi Arrow, I was checked in and given prison garb to wear- a white long sleeve coverall Then I was sent to sit where the ‘lifers’ (those who have to stay 5 hours) were Thankfully I was not alone I introduced myself to my new cell mate, Jim Sweeney, Fire and Security Chief at Celgar who had been arrested and charged with impersonat- ing a Fire Chief. Together, we shared a cell - actually a soft bench - with Our backs against the wall. With not much else to do, we spent a good portion of the afternoon doing what most cell mates do talk. Our sentences seemed a lifetime so we might as well compare notes on our crimes Silver Rattle Antiques 301-11 Ave. Castlegar (in Tulips Building) 365-5191 him arrested and quickly paid $20 to have the favour returned Jim Sweeney didn’t know who contributed to his arrest. With only about 450 people on site at Celgar, he thought that by the end of his sentence he should have it narrowed down. Paul Phipps was convinced it was the teachers at Twin Rivers who ‘rat- ted’ on him. Naturally I knew who contributed to my arrest since all 9 of them were gathered at the front of the office, taking pictures and laughing. With four hours and 4 minutes left on my time I decided to check out my “cell” There were black and gray bal- loons on the wall and Wanted posters. Ed Conroy, the MLA was wanted, somebody wanted Mel Gibson really bad; Fhe rest of the wanted posters were to ugly to identify. The door had white and black bars (alias crepe Paper) on the outside A few more people started arriving. Kelly Keraiff of Wood land Park Shell was arrested for being a nice guy - sentence - | hour. Bob Reisen, the Manager of the Sandman Inn was wanted for going AWOL - his sentence was 4 hours. Naida Stoochnoff of the BT Burger was charged with slave labour and sentenced to 2 hours. They each signed in, donned their coveralls and settled in to do their time. We had only , three hours and 47 minutes left when Ken Hingwing; the chef at the Hi Arrow was arrested and charged for spending too much time at the Dairy Queen. His sen- tence was | hour (or until an order came in, whichever came first) With three hours and twenty five and a half minutes left on my sentence. Don Lemcke, the Hi Arrow owner was charged with too much back swing while golfing; David Askew the bar- Valley Video Castleaird Plaza 365-3777 tender was charged with short changing, Rita Lemcke is just too happy and Darrell Strelieff was caught on the wrong property All of them had to serve @ one hour sentence Three hours and twenty minutes left. Time.is passing slowly when one of Jim Sweeney's accusers arrived with a video camera and doc umented part of his time in jail.We also learned that sev eral prominent business men had avoided the arrest but not the fine: Bryan Loewen of ICG Propane was charged and fined with passing bad gas; Lee Boyer of Dexters was charged with impersonating a grouch. Howie Henning of the Scotsman Motor Inn arrived because he had been caught wearing a golf outfit that was too loud Jim Sweeney wanted to appeal his sentence; he says that he is Chris MacBain in disguise Katrine Conroy, the jailer refuses him parole and for the second time is denied his phone call. Jim is heard to mutter, “I should have got Pedro. I'll make sure he’s scheduled next year." Three hours left. We haven't seen a politician yet SO WE TaKE up a Collection for the Mayor and phone in her arrest for impersonating a politician. We discovered that the total for arrests so far was the full sentence ‘Parole dened”, said Katrine Conroy Iwo hours left. We're more than half way through our sentence! We knew we could do it.as we watched Mayor Audrey Moore and city treasurer. Peter Ozeroff (being charged with imper Sonating a golf pro) ushered in. After 35 minutes of ‘hard time’ the mayor decides that she'll bail herself out of her second hour and pay $20. to have one of her fellow coun Rodgers of Mohawk discov ered that crankiness was her crime Shirley Kirk was charged with soliciting in a pub: lic place; Grant Apostoliuk of SHSS served his hour for weird and obnoxious. behavior and Wilf Wamer of CKQR turned himself in for being a boss Peter Vatkin of West's Depart ment. Store, when told he was overworking the staff said, “I plead guilty. L-had no choice Vatkin said that he was not expecting the arrest. “It was a Jim Sweeney didn't know who contribut- ed to his arrest. With only about 450 people on site at Celgar, he thought that by the end of his sentence, he should have it narrowed down. = PAD oe more than 45-and the money raised was more than $900 Lonnie, the CKQR morning man arrived. ‘He had béen arrested for impersonating a DJ and Wendy Popoff from Valley Vista School did her time for reckless driving. The Sun staff had this well planned out because they sent me off with a lunch - a piece of bread crust and a small container of water. I was starting to get hungry so I nibbled at the bread crust Two hours and 40 minutes left. There has been a lot of money collected to have Ed Conroy, MLA, arrested and so far he has evaded the stakeout at the school and day care Don Lemcke has been re- arrested and Castlegar resi- dent Mary Lewis is brought in.on charges of indecent behaviour at a barbeque Cheryl Kinakin of Carl's Drugs and Lil Whitley of Woodland Park school are serving a one-hour sentence It's unfair. Jim Sweeney and I protest that our crimes were much less severe than others yet we have to stay for OPEN 10:30 am - 10:00 pm 7 DAYS A WEEK Three hours left and we haven't seen a politician. We take up a collection for the Mayor and phone in her arrest for impersonating a politician. illors arrested Only one hour left. We’ ve nearly made it. We have to be on our best behaviour. Sever al more detainees arrive Heather Brady of Castlegar Home Support was imperson ating a nice person; and Stewart Ady was charged with wrecking Cars. Daniel Moore of the LCBC was accused of working to hard and paying too many bills His jailers took a bribe and he remained behind, poorer but wiser. Heather Brady was totally Surprised by her arrest. “It came right out of the blue,” she said “They [the staff at Home Support] took lots of pictures and I finally smiled when I realized that I didn’t have to finish my filing.” Co-worker and accuser Patti Richards said, “it’s called revenge x Now the jail was starting to fill up with White suits. Pat Picton of Tilden Rent a Car was charged with siphoning gas; Chuck Moran of Pope and Talbot was charged with impersonating a stud: Shelley a Selling something? Phone 365-5266 ih total surprise,” and his attempts’ at bribing the arresting officers were to no avail As it became apparent that five o'clock would indeed arrive and we would at last be free, the ‘lifers’ were schem- ing. I knew that West Koote- nay Kabs were donating the ride home (or back to work where the car was). I also knew that it would take a few minutes to get from one end to the other end of town That, (and the smoke) was my justification for leaving a few minutes early. Jim followed close behind me As we said good bye and good luck to each other in the lobby of the. hotel, we knew we were different people than when we went in. We had done our time; the good guys had won Actually, the big winner was the BC Variety Club with more than $1500 raised on this fundraiser. A big thank you from those of us at the Sun to the arresting offi- cers — Gerald Lemcke, Debbie Lemcke, Bev Poznikoff and Cindy Ozeroff — and to the Kootenay Columbia Child Care Society, Hi Arrow Motor Hotel, and West Kootenay Kabs for your volunteer efforts. My next year’s arrest list for “Doing’ Time for Charity” has already started. Hmmm... nine staff members times twenty dollars per hour times Sun., Tues. ; Thurs., Fri. 365-3752 All this for only *4° * 15 word Classified Ad (extra words at .30¢ word) ¢ ° 2 free Garage Sale signs ° MAKE OUT THOSE INVITATIONS WITH JUST ONE CALL Deadline for getting your garage sale listed is Monday at-11:00 am WW The Castidgar Sun Dan 365-5266 465 Columbia Ave., Castlegar, B.C. VIN/1G8 ‘Watch for our weekly Garage Sale feature in the Classifieds’ * Based on a circulation in excess of 6,000 and CanStats 2.9 people per household.