CASTLEGAR NEWS, June 15, 1980 Tarrys-Shoreacre Kooznetsoff-Janzen The Tarrys and Shore- acres Primary Trackmeet held on May 80 was well attended, even though incle- ment weather forced the event indoors. The boys’ individual Ivan edoff. q-year-old Boys A: Straight Racing: Glen Scott, Michael Esovoloff, Lance Mitchell. . Block & Spoon: Lance Mitchell, Michael Esovoloff, Jamie Demoskoff. Cc trophy was won by Ke ff; r ip and medallion winner was Brian Postnikoff. The girls’ indi- vidual trophy was won by Tricia Janzen, with Holly Parkin as runner-up and medallion winner. Also, hon- orable mention went to Crys- tal Laren. Parents are to be con- gratulated for their partici- pation in helping with the event. The following is a list of winners in each event. All other participants received ribbons for participation. 6-year-old Girls A (In order of first, second and third): Straight Racing: Sherry. Makortoff, Krista Geiger, Trisha Merriman. Block & Spoon: Jenny Lariviere, Meghan McMillan & Krista Geiger, Trisha Merriman. Crabwalk: Sherry Ma- kortoff, Krista Geiger, Jenny Lariviere. Wheelbarrow: Jenny Lariviere & Meghan Mc- Millan, Sherry Makortoff & Trisha Merriman. Bunny Hop: Sherry Ma- kortoff, Jenny Lariviere, Meghan MeMillan. Skipping: Trisha Merri- man, Krista Geiger, Jenny Lariviere. 6-year-old Girls B: Straight Racing: Crystal Laren, Kristy Lees and Jen- nifer Lebedoff, Willow Ene- wold. Block & Spoon: Crystal Laren, Kristy Lees, Jennifer bedoff. Crabwalk: Crystal Laren, Kristy Lees, Nikki Kinakin. Wheelbarrow: Kristy Lees and Willow Enewold, Crystal Laren, Jennifer Leb- edoff and Nikki Kinakin. Bunny Hop: Kristy Lees, Crystal Laren, Nikki Kin- akin. Skipping: Crystal Laren, Nikki Kinakin, Jennifer Leb- Between showers, Castlegar Primary, Twin Rivers and Kinnaird Elemen- tary from Kindergarten to Grade 3 field 2 successful track meet on May 30 at the Castlegar Primary play- ground, Participation in the an- nual bicycle parade was ex- cellent. Because of busing, Kinnaird Elementary stu- dents were unable to par- ticipate in the bicycle con- test, but put forth excellent effort in a hat decorating project. Bicycle parade winners: Kindergarten — Greg Spoon- er; Grade 1 — David Muir; Grade 2 — Kelly Swetlikoe; Grade 8 — Kari Lloyd. Hat parade winners: Grade 1 — Brian McFadden; Grade 2 — Christine Fish- wick; Grade 3 — Darrel Monkman. Judges for bicycle and hat parade were Mrs. Carol Couch, Mrs. Hedy Oleski, Mrs. Mary Dooley, Mrs. Wendy Adams, Mrs. M. Zan- rosso and Mrs. Skzica. Dash: S-year girls: 1) Amy Rodgers, 2) Rory Perrier, 3) Laurie Kallin. year boys: 1) Nino DaCosta, 2) Warren Maloff, 3) Tommy Phipps. 6-year girls: 1) Allyson Hill, 2) Tammy Travassos, 3) Carilyn Briscoe. 6-year boys: 1) Russell Stuckless, 2) Michael Lav- orato, 3) Clint Dolgopol and Frank Strobel (tie). 7-year girls: 1) Jennifer Glueheisen, 2) Maria Sequei- fa, 3) Sharon Willson and Cheryl Duckworth (tie}. T-year boys: 1) Alex Hartman, 2) Jason Evanson, 8) Colin Fitchett. 8-year girls: 1) Tara Danielson, 2) Cindy Ledell, 3) Paula Turrie. 8-year boys: °1) Darren Tamelin, 2) Jamie Braman, 3) David Kravsky. 9-10-year girls: 1) Allison Zanet, 2) Sherri Popoff and Michelle Szkica (tie), 3) Sheri-Lyn Makeiv. 9-10-year boys: 1) Taylor Harding, 2) Jeremy Yasen- iuk, 3) Darrell Monkman. Lance Mit- chell, John Perepelkin, Glen Scott. Wheelbarrow: Michael Esovoloff and Glen Scott, Lance Mitchell and John Perepelkin, Jamie Demos- koff, Bunny Hop: John Pere- pelkin, Glen Scott, Lance Mitchell, Skipping: Glen Scott, Jamie Demoskoff, John Per- epelkin. 7-year-old Boys B: Straight Racing: Ivan Kooznetsoff,‘Shane Ozeroff, Ernie Sofonoff. Block & Spoon: Ivan Kooznetsoff, Shane Ozeroff, Ernie Sofonoff. Crabwalk: Chris Ross, Ivan Kooznetsoff, Ernie Sof- onoff. Gevatkow, Elenore Hlookoff, Lisa Baker. Skipping: Lisa Baker, Linda Nephin, Theresa Gev- atkow. 7-year-old Girls B: Straight Racing: Tricia Janzen, Paige Reiben, Bev- erly Sookerukoff. Block & Spoon: Tricia Janzen, Paige Reiben, Chris- tie Popoff. Crabwalk: Beverly Sook- erukoff, Tricia Janzen, Paige Reiben. Wheelbarrow: Paige ‘Reiben and Tricia Janzen, Christie Popoff, Michelle Rezansoff and Beverly Sook- erukoff. Bunny Hop: Tricia Jan- zen, Paige Reiben, Michelle Rezansoff and Christie Pop- off. Skipping: Tricia Janzen, Beverly Sookerukoff, Mich- elle Rezansoff. 8-year-old Boys A: Straight Racing: Brian Postnikoff, Steven. Cross, Walter Hadikin, Block & Spoon: Brian Steven Cross, Wh Shane Oz- eroff, Ivan Kooznetsoff and Ernie Sofonoff, David Bayoff and Chris Ross. . Bunny Hop: Ivan Kooz- netsoff, Shane Ozeroff, Ernie Sofonoff. Skipping: Ivan Kooznet- soff, Shane Ozeroff, Chris Ross. @-year-old Girls A: Straight Racing: Lisa Baker, Linda Nephin, Ther- esa Gevatkow. Block & Spoon: Linda Nephin, Lisa Baker, Theresa Gevatkow. Crabwalk: Tina Schultz, Lisa Baker, Linda Nephin. Wheelbarrow: Elenore Hlookoff and Theresa Gevat- kow, Linda Nephin, Lisa Baker and Tina Schultz. Bunny Hop: Theresa Walter Hadikin. - Crabwalk: Walter Hadi- kin, Steven Cross, Brian Postnikoff. Wheelbarrow: Steven Cross and Walter Hadikin, Shane McKendry and Brian Postnikoff. Bunny Hop: Brian Post- nikoff, Steven Cross, Walter Hadikin, Skipping: Brian Postni- koff, Steven Cross, Walter Hadikin. &-year-old Boys B: Straight Racing: Devin McCormack, Aaron Janzen, Toby Mason. Block & Spoon: Ray- mond Stoopnikoff, Aaron Janzen, Devin McCormack. Crabwalk: Devin McCor- mack, Toby Mason, Aaron as P&ERTS Primary schools hold track meet Skipping: c §-year girls: 1) Pammy Roy, 2) Rory Perrier, 3) Shelley Miscavitch. 5-year boys: 1) Nino Da- Costa, 2) Travis McIndoe, 3) Carlos Pacheco, 6-year girls: 1) Theresa Sabourine, 2) Alana Pozni- koff, 3) Allyson Hill. 6-year boys: 1) David Miur, 2) Wyllie Jones, 3) Clint Dolgopol, 7-year girls: 1) Jennifer Glueheisen and Christena Sabourine, 2) Christine Fish- wick and Terri Roberts, 3) Maria Sequeira and Katrina Babnaeff. T-year boys: 1) David Josephson and Dustin Neu- feld, 2) Jason Evanson and Travis Cahill, 3) Wade For- ester and jim Cardosa, 8-year girls: 1) Paula Turrie and Tara Danielson, 2) Stacey Polonicoff and Angie Lalonde, 3) Jennifer Small and Leah Miller. 8-year boys: 1) Darren Tamelin and Clifford Spoon- er, 2) John Mathieson and Scotty Gray, 3) John Har- greaves and Troy Tehir, Dean Tedesco (tie). 9-10-year girls: 1) Allison Zanet, 2) Michelle Szkica, 3) Lana Bush and Sheri-Lyn Makeiv (tie). 9-10-year boys: 1) Jason Ferris, 2) Darrell Monkman, 3) Mike Gerrand and Jeremy Yaseniuk (tie). Spoon: "i 6-year girls: 1) Alana Poznikoff, 2) Margaret Dias, 3) Kristy Allen and Carilyn Briscoe (tie). 6-year boys: 1) Gregory Pope, 2) Jason Simpson- Peters, 3) David Muir and Russell Lundquist (tie). 7-year girls: 1) Jennifer Glueheisen and Karen Lar- son, 2) Cheryl Duckworth and Carina Falkmann, Terri Roberts, 3) Christine Fish- wick and Shari Rosler. 7-year boys: 1) Jim Car- doso and Dustin Neufeld, 2) Jason Evanson and Colin Fitchett, 3) Scott Blessin, * Peter Bullock, Trevor Bush, and Silva Manuel. 8-year girls: 1) Tara Danielson and Jennifer Jones, 2) Tyrion Miskel and Samantha Jardine, 3) Stacy Polonicoff, Cindy Ledell and Kelly Swetlikoe. 8-year boys: 1) David Kravski and Darren Tamelin, 2) John Mathieson and Chris Bowen, 3) Jamie Muller and Chris Sharp. 9-10-year girls: 1) Nicole Bouvette, 2) Carrie-Ann Mc- Farlane.and Sherri Popoff, 3) Allison Zanet. 9-10-year boys: 1) Mat- thew Livingstone and John- ny Jardim, 2) Jason Ferris and Mark Boolinoff, 3) Dar- rell Monkman, Mike Ger- rand and Scott Nelson. tops Janzen, PERRO GET Tear LTTE LEAN Sp a PTT Nine schools take part in meet The annual School Dis- trict No. 9 Elementary Track Meet was held at the Selkirk Ww y Stoopnikoff, Asron Janzen and Toby Mason, Dave Pop- off and Devin McCormack. Bunny Hop: , Toby Ma- son, Raymond Stoopnikoff, Devin McCormack. Skipping: Aaron Janzen, Toby Mason, Devin McCor- mack, 8-year-old Girls A: Straight Racing: Shelley Tomelin, Teresa Tarasoff and Christina Rovers, Sunny Baker. Block & Spoon: Shelley Tomelin, Christina Rovers, Sunny Baker. Crabwalk: Shelley Tom- elin, Sunny Baker, Teresa Tarasoff. : Wheelbarrow: Monica Woykin and Christina Rov- ers, Teresa Tarasoff and Patty. Gerlach, Sunny Baker and Shelley Tomelin. Bunny Hop: Shelley Tomelin, Christina Rovers, Monica Woykin. Skipping: Patty Gerlach, Christina Rovers, Monica Woykin. S-year-old Girls B: Straight Racing: Holly Parkin, Sheri Chernenkoff, Christina Gritchen. Block & Spoon: Holly Parkin, Sheri Chernenkoff, Svetlana Ostoforoff. Crabwalk: Christina Gritchen, Holly Parkin, Shel- ley McLachlan. Wheelbarrow: Christina Gritchen and Holly Parkin, Rena Makortoff and Svetlana Ostoforoff, Shelley McLach- lan and Sheri Chernenkoff. Bunny Hop: Holly Par- kin, Christina Rena College field on May 80 with 900 from nine schools participat- ing in the event. The day got off toa slow, rainy start, but the con- testants and spectators soon became involved in the keen competition throughout the day. Participants ranging Yn age from nine to 14 competed in the dash, high hump, long jump, shot put, 400/800- metre run and discus, Those who placed first to fifth earned points toward the individual age group awards, as well as for their school. The age group winners were: 9-year girls : Maya Kalmakov, Kinnaird Elem- entary; 9-year boys: Chris Sandrin, Kinnaird Elemon- tary. 10-year girls: Jesslyn Elementary with 192, and Robson with 117. i , Neil Bermel and Jesslyn Park; 10-year boys: Ricky Sook- erokoff, Tarrys, 11-year girls; Gaye Nix- on, Kintisird Elementary; 11-year boys: Cyril Kinakin, Tarrys. E 12-year girls: Teresa Pujol, Kinnaird Elementary; 12-year boys: Luis Costa, Twin Rivers, 18-year plus girls: Sara Wearmouth, Twin Rivers; 18-year plus boys: Neil Ber- mel, Woodland Park, “In Tier I, Ricky-;Sook- erokoff and Cyril Kinakin led a strong Tarrys team: that - earned points in almost ‘all events. Tarrys placed first in Tier I, (large schools) with 210 points, followed by Twin Rivers with 187, Kinnaird in Tier. tas who both placed first in the three events they entered, led 'the Woodland Park team to victory in Tier U, (small sehcol compotition) with 84 points, They were followed by Blueberry Creek with 64, KJSS, “7’s" with 50, Pass Creek with 938 and Ootischenia with 36, The day was brought to “a close with school relay teams competing for points and trophies in 4 x 50 m or 4x 100 m relays. Tarrys proved to be the top relay team as they captured trophies in the 9-year boys and girls, 10-year girls, and 11-year boys and girls relays, Twin Rivers took the 10-year boys and the 18 plus year, boys and girls relays. Principal Dick Wayling and trustee Anne Jonas look on Woodland Park took the 12-year boys relay and the KJSS "7's" in their first year’ in the meet won the girls 12-year old relays. This year has been a year of change, as the meet moved from Kinnaird Park to. the Selkirk field and now events were added, Congrat- ulations should go out to the Kinnaird Elementary team who still managed to have four individual age group winners while practicing at four separate locations. Next year should prove to be just as successful, as one Tarrys' teacher was heard to say. “We had a good, strong, well-balanced, team, but I think there'll be more competition next year.” di hold shield and Makortoff. Skipping: Holly Parkin, Christina Gritchen, Sheri Chernenkoff. 39-year-old Girls A: Straight Racing: Lori Lawrenow and Larissa Gev- atkow, Lisa Reibin and Tif- fany Bai, Jenny Rezansoff and Amy McFadyen. Block & Spoon: Larissa Gevatkow, Tiffany Bai, Amy McFadyen. Crabwalk: Larissa Gev- atkow, Tiffany Bai, Lori Lawrenow. Bear: Syear girls: 1) Amy Zanrosso, 2) Allison Hill, 8) Theresa Sabourine. 6-year boys: 1) Denis Medeiros, 2) Michael Har- graves, 3) Brian McFadden. 6-year girls: 1) Shari Rosler and Jennifer Glue- heisen, 2) Terri Roberts, Kim Madore and Sarah Polonicoff, 8) Karen Voykin and Chris- tina Sabourin.. 6-year boys: 1) Jason Evanson and- Alex Hartman (tie), 2) Scott Blessin, 3) Shayne McAfee. 4-year girls: (no winners ted) T-year boys: 1) David Josephson, 2) Manuel Silva, 8) Peter Bullock and Wade Forester (tie). 8-year girls: 1) Glenna MacNicol and Tara Daniel- son, 2) Samantha Jardine and Leah Miller, 3) Sarah Finney and Brenda Larson. - &year boys: 1) Chris Smith, Doug Gorcak and Hil- berto Amaral, 2) Kevin Kil- lough and Jamie Braman, 3) Clifford Spooner and Chris Sharp. 9-20-year girls: 1) Mich- ele Szkica, 2) Sheri-Lyn Makeiv, 3) Kari Lloyd. 9-10-year boys: 1) Taylor Harding, Darrell Monkman and Tony Geronazzo, 2) Ricky Crowe and Mark Bool- inoff, 3) Jeremy Yaseniuk, Jim McLeod and Steven Jerome. Your Best Money Conversion to Gas for as low as *945:°°.... Until June 30, 1980, Inland and participating dealers are offering a $50.00 trade-in on your oil or electric furnace when you switch to natural gas, subject to qualifications listed below. Your cash outlay for a new gas furnace will be returned through energy savings which, at present, can amount to 50%. We are not saying the cost of natural gas won't go up, but all indications point to a continued substantial price advantage " over oil. Move This Year! Call Inland or any participating dealer today for full details. * $945.00 PRICE QUALIFICATIONS 1. Your home must be dj toan 9 gas main. 2. The replacement furnace must make use of existing duct work. 3. You must have an existing approved chimney or vent. 4, The replacement furnace must be 150,000 B.T.U.’s per hour or less. INLAND NATURAL GAS CO. LTD. The truly sentimental sex IN THEORY, women are the sentimental sex, men the hard, unfeeling sex. In real- ity, this is pure horse... wait for it... feathers, Underneath all the cooing and crooning and weeping, hidden behind the ah’s and oh’s and other symbols of maudlinity, women are about as sentimental as turtles, This is said in no disparag- ing sense, I detest sentimen- tality, though I have nothing against sentiment. Thus, I despise myself for being sen- timental about things: old shoes, old hats, old hip waders, old houses, old cars, and even old ladies, There is nothing of this in my wife. Oh, she can get sen- timental about the way f used to baby her, or the joy the children were before they grew up, or her school days in the one-room country school-house. In other words, figments of the imag- ination. But when it comes down to things [ love and cherish, she’s as sentimental as a meat-grinder. , Just the’ other day, she threw out my golf shoes. I'd had them only twenty-one years. They were a size too * big when I bought them, and my feet skidded around a bit inside them; the spikes were worn down to pimples, many missing. But they were old friends. 1 felt low for two days. She didn't turn a hair. This week, she made me buy a pair of dress shoes, black. I had a perfectly good pair of black shoes. As usual, Thad worn them only to wed- dings and funerals for the first four years, then to work for the last three. They were good shoes. Cost me $22. But they weren't good enough, in her opinion, for some dam’ fancy party.we were going to. I didn’t matter to her that they were com- fortable (it takes, about three years to break in a pair of shoes), still quite black when sufficient polish was applied, and only a few scuffs here and there, about the size of ta thumbnail each. Out they went. Have you any idea what a pair of decent shoes cost these days? By George, they must be using humans for skin. Blacks for black shoes, brown people for brown shoes, and Scandinavians for white shoes, No animal hide, alive or dead, is worth what jaar Roast te Ny he’) ae patron ye Those little fellows loved it. They ‘didn't even notice the rust. tt was a veritable playhouse, the Yellowbird, another pet name. They were at their happiest when we were steaming down the highway, crawling around my feet, pushing buttons, twisting dials. It was sheet bliss for them when they got everything go- ing at once. A-cold winter day. The air-conditioning turned to full cold with the fan on. Windshield wipers flying at top specd, and one kid's pushing the window- wash ‘button, the other punching buttons of the tadio,.turned to full volume, or trying to put on, = Bill Smiley they're asking for a bit of leather. My old lady recently bought:a collection of strings of leather that wouldn't make a medium-sized jock- strap. It was called a pair oft shoes. It cost $85. They were made in Italy. I’m going to write the Pope. But 1 mustn’t digress. Latest victim of my wife's simultaneously, the headlights and the emergency brake. Do you think any of those good times, those tranquil moments, meant anything to my old lady. Not on your life. This week 1 bid a fond farewell to the Yellowbird, wiped away a surreptitious tear, and climbed into-a new car she'd made me buy. No fun there for the kids. . to switch lack of e . tality about old and cherish- ed things was our car. The Big Car, as my grandboys _ called it when they climbed, cramped, out of the poky liule Datsun their mother drove, and in which she car- ried a pail of water to fill the leaking radiator every thirty- five miles. No ; on‘suddenly, making Gran- ‘dad's hair stand on end. It's a two-door, so no more play- ing with the locks and lean- ing against the door and watching Gran go out of her mind. Caged in,. like little animals. Have you bought a new car lately? Neither have we, but it’s fairly new. Our last one cost $2,000 and was only five years old. It lasted over three years and was= still valiantly breasting the waves of traffic on the highway, When I asked for prices on a new one, [ turned red, then white, and had to be helped toa seat. Had the sales office not been so magnificent, rather like the lobby of a bank, | think I should have, perhaps, vomited. There, are more ways then one in which a car agency resembles a bank. Their in- terest’ rates are similar, though, to be fair, slightly lower than the cighteen-odd per cent our banks, those holiest of holies in our economy, gouge. Their salesmen are some- what like those well-groomed -young men at the bank, not exactly accountants, not managers; who guide you smoothly through a maze of figures and papers to the stony reality that there is no easy way out, no way to really save money, no way to beat inflation. There was one pleasant difference this time. The car salesman was a former -stu- dent, Ernest Moreau, a craggy young man with a sense of humor,.a sweetness of spirit, and a sense of the ridiculousness of things that was a charming change from: the dull, humorless, unknow- ledgable young men I've met in the bank lately. Yep, we've bouhgt a car, new shoes, the works. And my wife showed no more sen- timent over the old ones than | she would have over last week's laundry. I wonder if she could discard an old, well-used man with the same equanimity. I fear so. Wisdom is a matter of degree My son graduated from college last week. As he swayed down the alsle looking for the world ike a Supreme Court judge who needed a haircut, | couldn't help but reflect on the wisdom he had amassed in four years. The very experience of baing away from home and having control over his life had given him that would sustain him for the rest of his life. FRESH cians The art of graceful, wit- ty and interesting letter- writing, so mucha part of life and times past, seems in these times to wane and flicker feebly in the winds of mass communication, Fortunately, every once in a while, someone blows on the embers and makes them glow again with life. We re- ceived such a letter a few days ago. It was just a ‘bread and butter letter’ but it had that ‘spark’ and we enjoyed it so much that I would like to share some of it with my readers. Our writer was one of four women guests who, a couple of weeks ago were attending the Provicnial i fe at Sel- bread and ¥ butter letters JOHN CHARTERS’ Reflections & Recollections few complimentary remarks dear to the hearts of hosts, and then she continues:) Perhaps I should also explain that spelling is not one of my strong point's — a throwback, I am sure, to a former life in medieval times. I took one look at Chaucer's spelling and felt completely at home! Anyway, as I was saying «.. we went to Kettle River kirk College. They arrived by Volkswagen bus from the Fraser Valley on the Friday evening and after settling into their rooms and par- taking of some _ libations, {Southern Comfort and Ging- er Ale!) did full justice to a supper which started with the fine home-made bread and borscht which one can buy at the Doukhobor res- taurant in Brilliant. A relaxed evening was followed by a totally busy Saturday, late into the night ite at Rock Creek and found it full to the gills. Actually I had expected that, but some members of the Field Naturalists club were supposed to be there for the weekend and I thought we could bunk in with them. However, there they were, nowhere to be found, so back to the highway we went. What to do next? Well, Bill Merilees, had mentioned that naturalists were wel- come to stay at a place called ‘Harper's Ranch’: at Rock Creek. Of course we did not know where it was, but one can always ask, so we drove into a driveway and as there was a HUGE Doberman {Dobberman?) The ‘gals’ pushed me out of the van saying, “You go ask, Sue- anne, — you love dogs, don't you?” So I went and asked and, ot di to So we all got to sleep — 20 feet up, in the hay bales, and we had a lovely night's sleep, disturbed only by the croaking of a couple of thousand frogs, and the sing- ing of the coyotes in the moonlight. Monday morning saw us | up and about — bird-watch- ing, flower identifying and h yh We were a got the ranch. The Dob b little because of y the way, was an old soppy.” Arriving .at our destin- ation, we drove up to the farmhouse and B. and I we went to inquire if it was alright to camp in the back 40. We were all invited into the house and made most welcome by Bill Harper, his wife and his brother-in-law. (She then tells how the brother-in-law happened to be a friend of ours and a fellow teacher in Trail, and their welcome, happily, was doubled.) the peculiar haze every- where, but Bill Harper came by and explained about the voleano blowing, and that explained the odd light. . .” s «6 « There follows some final details of their journey, some more kind words re hospi- tality, and “love to Pix, Kiki and the wee McGregorrrr!” Some bread and butter letters have jam on them, and are as pleasant as the company. at the On Sunday, after a lei- surely breadkfast, they de- cided to forgo a visit to a wildlife sanctuary at Grand Forks, (they are all wild- life experts) and instead, to take the offer of a ‘Charters’ conducted tour.’ The ‘tour’ began with a walk to 's Island Erma -Bombeck MAN YEAR: Dirty underwear Is unlsex and even under the most ideal conditions (under the bed, covered by dust, In the back of a car) will not reproduce Itself. Classmates who owe you money drop out of school In their freshman year to get in touch with their feelings at Big Sur. The first mouse in the dorm Is ‘‘fun’’ and gets your mind off a paper on ‘‘14th-Century Diplomacy.'’ The second mouse is not as cute. The third mouse is not given aname. A lot of mice Is an incentive to clear the dishes off the table from September. > SOPHOMORE YEAR: When you're wearing a car, you're taller, more attractive, and wittier than you are , when you're Just wearing gym shoes. Students who write thelr parents get remembered in the will. Them that don’t are never quite sure. Creative writing is not a required course for should at all your The times exceed the withdrawals. d-th Acute ring: Haris always” of the presence of ring-around-the-neck. JUNIOR YEAR: A freshman girl never stands so tall as when she stoops to do your laundry. Pursue every roach as If It were female, pregnant, and crazy to come home with you In your luggage. Use a few big words once In awhile so your parents will think they're getting their money’s worth. SENIOR YEAR: Eighteen unpaid traffic tickets can stand between you and success. A note from the library, sent to your home telling you that unless you return ‘‘Erotic Dreams and What They Mean”’ you will receive a blank diploma, can throw your mother into caridac arrest. No one who hasn't unpacked from his freshman year and used Play Doh to fix the plumbing ever got hisroom . deposit back. 1 cannot remember what he got the degree In... but he looked older and wiser somehow. and along the river, and I found myself wishing re- peatedly that a group of my students could have been along with us. It opened up whole vistas of things to see, or to see old things with new eyes. y New plants and flowers seemed to spring out of the ground; insects, small ani- mals and birds popped up like rabbits from a magician's hat; and even the stones on the beach took on a renewed interest under the crossfire of commentary, enthusiastic exclamations, identification by common and generic names, and relationships. In brief, a concentrated edu- cational experience. This was followed by the ‘circle tour’ — up to the High Arrow Dam, along the Rob- son road to Verigin’s Tomb (a By BOB CHIPKIN IT MAY BE A SAD comment on the inflation- ary psychology that has gripped America, but I find I have made the subtle mental leap from being amazed at how much ev- erything costs to being amazed that merchants are willing to accept money at all. This leap is not with- out its benefits. Instead of being outraged at the price of a head of lettuce, I find myself thrilled that the grocer will actually take a paper dollar that I can’t eat and give me several leaves of lettuce that I can. Such thinking, of course, brings the spectre of a time in the not too distant future when the dollar will become totally worthless, and Americans will return to bartering as the basic form of com- merce. I FIGURED WHEN that moment comes I bet- ter be ready. So one after- noon, when business was slow and the store empty, I cornered my friendly gro- cer and asked just what it and soul together when the crunch really came. “What have you got?” he asked. “The usual, a few tables, some-chairs.” “T've got plenty of ta- bles, and the store doesn’t need chairs. Just slows | A paper dollar for a head of lettuce, — a sheepskin for a couple of steaks sweatshirt. What do you say?” “How much for your diploma?” “You don't mean you'd actually take my diploma. Now that is going a bit far.” “No diploma, no meat. I can put it up in my office behind the produce coun- ter.” “I suppose you want the frame too?” I said. “I don’t see how you're in much of position to bar- gain.’You wouldn't happen to have a master’s degree, too?” “Sorry,” I said. “You've cleaned me out." - “NO PROBLEM. I know a college professor with a hefty tite. But would take to keep body “1 can remember when artificial flavoring used to tasta like artificial flavoring.” down the customers. You wouldn't happen to have any spare grocery carts on you?” “No,” I said. “Some display cases?” “Sorry.” “MAYBE SOME BOW ties and starched white shirts that I could give to my packing boys?” “Nope. I'm strictly a pastel man," I said still racking my mind. “How about some college memor- abilia? Did you ever go to college?” —Punch Magazine “Never had much use for it. Never had much use for the people who did either,” he said. “Oh, college is a great thing. Boolah boolah and all that. And I still have my college ring. It's yours for only two steaks and a bunch of chicken wings." “ “Tm not too sure about this,” he hesitated. “TELL YOU WHAT. You throw in some chicken necks, and I'll throw in the old schoo! tie too. Some- where in the attic, I even have an old fraternity frankly, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I'm sure the dollar will recover and this entire conversation will be aca- demic.” “So I guess I can for- get those images I have of Germany in the 1920s when people loaded thov- sands of reichsmarks into wheelbarrows just to buy a loaf of bread.” “You have my word on it” “It's very reassuring that you have such faith in the dollar.” “Why not? Even if the money is no good, I can always use the wheelbar- row.” — Newhouse News Service place to visit), over the new highway to Cham- pion Lakes for a nature walk and then a picnic. Back through Trail, care- ful instructions — “on the left, turn at the overpass for Grand Forks when we reach Castlegar. We'll signal you when we get there.” We got there, signalled left, and saw, to our con- sternation, the Volkswagen bus turn right. We stopped, not knowing what to do, and then in a few minutes, saw the bus scooting over the overpass while hands waved wildly. ' And with that long intro- duction — to the letter: = 8 ¢@ Dear Jack and Bunny: Thought I had better write to let you know that we got home safe and sound despite B's inability to dis- tinguish between left and right! “Go left under the bridge,” I said when I saw Bunny indicating that dir- ection and, of course, our Bernice immediately turned right. “Now that’s funny,” she said, “this road looks like the road to Nelson.” “It is,” we yelled in unison. “Well, for Heaven's sakes,” said Bernice, “Why did Bunny point this way?” “She didn't,” we all yelled again. “Well, why am I here then?” By MIKE ROYKO KATHY BLACK was filled with righteous indignation. And from her point of view, the sense of outrage probably seemed justified. Her car had been re- possessed. Her shiny, two- year-old, $10,000 luxury hot rod had been snatched from in front of her home while she was sleeping. But that wasn’t all. She says that the repos- sessors hired by the fi- nance company didn’t play fair. They used deceit to track her down and get her car. KATHY, 28, A STU- dent, had been pretty cagey. She had moved, and the finance company did not know where she lived. But they somehow found her phone number, she says. And late Monday her phone rang. “The guy on the phone says he is a telephone com- pany repairman. He said there had been a complaint about my line, that some- body had been trying to get through to me but there was no answer. “He said to me: “There's no trouble on the outside line so it must be inside. Can we come by and check ‘the equipment in- side?” I WAS HALF asleep and I said, ‘Sure.’ Then he asked me my ad- dress and I gave it to him. “After I hung up, I started thinking. I figured that if the phone company knew my phone number, why wouldn't they know my address? . - “So I called the phone company and asked them if there had been any prob- lem with my line. They said they had no authori- zation for any work to be done on my number. “That really frighten- ed me. I called the police. I didn’t know who had called. I thought maybe somebody might be coming over to murder me. “THE POLICE CAME out and the cop told me I ought to get a gun. But I had a friend come and spend the night at my place, because I was wor- “But when I got up in the morning and went gently through gritted teeth, “you turned right instead of, left like I told you to.” So, having sorted that out, we made an illegal turn and finally got going in the right direction! The perfect end to our stay in Castlegar. {This is followed by a I knew what had happened. My car was ne. “I called the finance company and they told.me Deadbeats must learn to use the appropriate passwords Maynard Keynes and sending your way out of trouble, so this afternoon.-. ." thing to do, that’s what. They have no right to be calling someone up and posing as the telephone company. That's low. That's cheating.” IM Ss MANY people would agree. I'm surprised at how many © complaints I receive from people who don't like the way they are treated when they fall behind on bills of one kind or another. People call about their cars being repossessed, Some call about their land- lord trying to throw them out for not paying their rent, or landlords keeping the security deposit to cover holes they poked in walls. I get regular calls from a man who is upset because his favorite bar has cut him off for writing bad cheques. I THINK THAT THIS is a extension of Ralph Nader's consumer crusade. Many people apparently feel that, as consumers, they have the right to be deadbeats.. Take Kathy Rlack. She is about four payments behind on her car. That adds up to about $1,000. And she’s fallen behind several times in the past. Now she has resorted to not letting the finance company even know where she lives. You would think she would be embarrassed at having that known. But instead she calls a news- paper and protrays herself as the wronged party. ACTUALLY, IF THE repossessors did pose as phone repairmen, it: is a mild deceit compared to the tactics they used be- fore laws were passed for- bidding some of their stunts. Only a few years ago, collectors used a pose as cops, coroners and hos- pital emergency room doc- tors to horrity friends or o! db that they had it during the night.” So? 0 “So it’s a dirty, rotten into blurting out their where- abouts. Now they can't do —Punch Mogazine these things. And if they do, they. can be in legal trouble. AND THE RESULT is that deadbeats no longer feel that they, too, have to for example. You would think that by now she would have taken the precaution of parking her car several blocks from where she lives. That's fundamental when some- one is trying to repossess. The family of my friend Slats Grobnik was expert at avoiding bill col- lectors. You could tell when it was the end of the month because all the lights would always be off in their house, so the col- lectors wouldn't know any! body was at home. ALL THE GROB- niks’ friends and relatives had to use secret knocks. and passwords for the front door. Slats had the only grandmother who had to learn to give three short knocks, then one long knock. And when little Slats would call aut “shot,” the grandmother would have to respond “and beer” before Slats would let her in. They used to change passwords occasionally. And once, when Slats called out “bourbon,” his grandmother mistakenly responded “straight,” when she should have said “with water.” Slats didn't hesitate. He opened the door and sicced Bruno, their red- eyed watchdog, on Granny Grobnik. BY THE TIME THE family pulled them apart, Bruno had chewed off one leg of her long underwear and she had bitten off two inches of his left ear. They never used that password again. As Gran- ny said: “You know I never take bourbon with water. Chlorine can ruin your liver.” — Chicags Sun — Times