Wednesday, April 29, 1992 The came to my table, concerned about the fact that 1 was doubled up and tuming green in his eating estab- lishment. I told him that I felt like 1 had food poisoni ings have come a long way from the two-seater outhouses of pre- confederation times. Now they are time-honoured tech- niques of sidestepping issues; common bly said, “because I had not eaten anything in two days except an orange, | was probably suffering from an orange over-dose.” (Sure shellfish and mayonnaise are often contaminated, but his food was pure. The bers of Parliament who pass this course have the opportunity to someday become Prime Minister, They even receive an hon- orary degree, while the losers get the third degree, These mem- bers of parliament have the curious habit of calling each other kitchen help actually died of natural causes.) He was, however, concerned about my green complexion, so he added green leafy vegetables and P155/80R13 P185/75R14 P195/75R14 P205/75R14 P205/75R15 P215/75R15 P225/75R15 d me as a potted plant. We can learn a lot about profes- +h, pay bers”, mainly to try to convince each other that it's the case. We've heard a lot about reduced government spending so I called Parliament to get some answers for who runs. this country, (to wrack and ruin) told me that MP's have just completed a course on how to cut their own hair to save the national debt. This member, who shall remain Nameless because that's what he was named at birth, picked me up in his private Lear Jet. He pointed out that he, alone, paid for the fuel in the jet and the astronaut to drive it, and this did not come from any public coffins, I mean, coffers. He bought this jet in a private yard sale. It was a heck of a deal. He got it for $100 Canadian. After all, one can't expect to pay new prices for a two-year-old jet. Besides, jets are prac- tically worn out in two years. I the Meech Lake Accord, she’s been taken advantage of and some of her paint even came off her nose cone.” Seems he had to update some of the interior, too. He replaced oxygen masks with masquerade masks, and oxygen with laughing gas. His guests don't feel any safer, but they don't really care if the jet crashes. He installed remote-comtrolled ejection seats for members of the opposition. “In Ottawa, I learned how to cut my own hair, pass the buck, become a nay-sayer and treat my fellow dishonourable members of i in a rude and obnoxi way as best befitting my role as the new leader of opposition and sup- position, “ he said. After all the public displays of complete prere- hearsed nastiness for public TV, we slammed the doors on the press and go out for beer and pizza, laughing our fool heads off”. How to tell husband his ‘taste’ in art lacks taste Dear Ann Landers: My won- derful husband travels a lot and on his first trip to Mexico brought back a huge painting on velvet of a matador stabbing a raging bull. The bull's nostrils are flaring and smoke is coming out of his cars. I made the foolish mistake of Pretending to be pleased and am now looking at seven paintings on velvet. They include a Hawaiian in each hand — and Elvis thrust- ing his pelvis over our Steinway grand piano. Our friends roar with laughter behind my husband's back, an others have become hysterical in our presence. How do I tell this OUR LOWEST PRICE ALL SEASON RADIAL IS A GOODJZYEAR Sizes We've lowered our _ prices but not our quality or service. Now you can get a Goodyear Low Price $39.95 53.95 70.95 THESE PRICES INCLUDE OUR NEW TREAD LIFE GUARANTEE tire 95 (50,000 Km| ‘- 'F WE SELL IT... WE GUARANTEE IT! Mechanical Services INCLUDING Brakes - Shocks - Alignments 2141 Columbia Ave., Castlegar 365-3311 CALL or SEE US FIRST terrific guy that what he thinks is “art” is in the same class with ink flamingos and lava lights? Our lovely home has elegant Victorian furnishings, and these paintings do not belong here. How do I tell him to stop? Thank you for any suggestion short of divorce. He is a terrific guy and I do love him. — Phoenix Di rate. Tell that terrific guy that the decorator’s word is going to be final. We both know that no decora- tor will OK those velvet paintings. Donate them to some charitable Dear Ann Landers: Are all parents blind, or just mine? I’m 15 years old and live with my father, stepmother and a brother. My dad and his wife don’t love each other anymore. My step- mother doesn’t like me either. My brother and I know they are stay- ing together because of us. We've heard them talking when they thought we were asleep. Don't they see they’re not doing us any favors? They are Pretending to be happily married but nobody is being fooled. My dad has girlfriends on the side and his wife knows about it. He is always so happy when he is see- ing someone else. This phony setup is making me sick. I would rather see these two get divorced even if it means splitting me and my brother up. It would be better for all of us. We resent being used as an excuse for not doing what would be best for everyone. We need some advice, Ann. — Crazy Glue in El Paso Dear Crazy Glue: Hand this col- umn to your father and tell him : cable 10 = Schedule for Apr. 29, 30 & May 1 Wed. 6:30 pm, Thurs. 9:00 am + West Kootenay Today - highlights of 1992 AKBM. Wed. 7:00 pm, Thurs. 9:30 am * F.A.C.T.S. - repeat of show dealing with alcohol, drugs and choice. Wed. 8:30 pm, Thurs. 11:00 am * 8th Annual Oldtime Fiddlers Contest - a look at this year's show which drew contestants from all over the Northwest. Thurs. 6:00 pm, Fri., 9:00 am * Trail City Council - gavel to gavel coverage. Sunday, May 3 + 5:30 pm - Western Ho! - annual play put on by Woodland park School. + 6:30 pm - Castlegar Full Gospel Church Easter Pageant. + 7:30 pm - FACTS - repeat from above. * 9:00 pm - 8th Annual Oldtime Fiddlers Contest - repeat from above. Simply good value Clean, quiet rooms. Free movies & morning coffee. Most with pools, saunas & restaurants...starting at $39.95 a night, plus tax* LR Slumber Lodge Inns and Motels 14 Locations across B.C. Call 1-800-663-2831 * Offer good until May 1, 1992. Bed & Breakfast not included. Not valid in Terrace or Kamloops. Some locations may sell for less. this is your letter. You might also suggest that he and your stepmoth- er try counseling. No matter what happens, you will at least know you did what you thought was best for everyone. Dear Ann Landers: My hus- band recently found out that I like to chew gum and swallow it. I'm too embarrassed to ask my doctor if this is dangerous. “George” says swallowing two or three packs of gum a day could kill me. I've been doing it since I was a child and have had no ill effects that I can determine. Please ask one of your informed experts if swallowing so much gum can be harmful. — B.W., Maryland Dear B.W.: I printed a letter on this subject at least three years ago. At that time I asked Dr. Jay Arena, chairman emeritus of pedi- atrics at Duke University Medical School for his expert opinion. Dr. Arena said there should be no problem if one stick of gum is chewed and swallowed. Bowel obstruction could occur, however, if wads of gum are habitually swallowed. Try replacing the gum with hard candy. Swallowing up to 15 sticks a day cannot possibly do you any good. Dear Ann Landers: An unfor- gettable subject in your column simply will not go away. I’m refer- ring to that seemingly frivolous issue — which way a person should position the toilet paper when replacing a finished roll. I always place a new roll in the “over” dispensing position and have even been known to reverse an “under” roll if someone in my household puts it that way. Anyone who believes this issue is silly is mistaken. As a student at Union County College in New Jer- sey, I began doing a radio show on campus. Just for fun, I decided to take a poll at school, at my place of Part-time employment, and every- where I roamed with score sheet in hand. What I found was amazing. After polling several hundred people, the results were as follows: 51 percent prefer “over,” 37 percent prefer “under,” and only 12 percent didn’t care as long as it was there. Even though many people laughed when they were asked, most had a strong preference and responded immediately. Td like to share some reasons People gave to justify their prefer- ences. They said things such as: “When the paper goes OVER, it is easier to employ the ‘hit and spin’ technique.” * One respondent said, “‘Over’ people are lazy. It takes more effort to reach when the paper is under.” Thad a lot of fun with my sur- vey and wanted you to know that after all these years, it’s still a topic of discussion. - T.D.A., Union, NJ Dear T.D.A.: I swore I would never print another letter on that subject, but yours was irresistible It never ceases to amaze me which subject turns readers on Would you believe I got more let- ters on the toilet paper issue than on the Persian Gulf War? Yours will be the last. The Castlegar Sun Page 7B! Dialogue HOROSCOPES April 26 - ARIES -— March 21/April 20 An unpleasant surprise could be on the way. It might take the form of a minor emergency that will prove a Sl cehtaenabittanahen BY TONI REINHOLD DAYTON’S DAVIS - Is Jon- athan Winters from the Buck- eye State? Can you give me any information about his ear- ly years? - B.P., Xenia, Ohio Jonathan Winters This star of “Davis Rules” is a native of Dayton, Ohio, where he was born Nov. 11, 1925. Winters, the son of a banker, was an only child. Af- ter service during World War Il, Winters returned to Dayton and worked in radio, where he created many of his funny characters. In 1950, he moved to New York City, where he worked in nightclubs. He was a contestant on “Arthur God- frey’s Talent Scouts,” but he lost. But Winters persevered to become one of the most pop- ular comedians today. His pre- vious series include “And Here’s the Show” (1955), “NBC Comedy Hour” (1956), “The Jonathan Winters Show” (1956-57, 1967-69), “Masquer- ade Party” (1958), “The Andy Williams Show” (1965-67, 1970-71), “The Wacky World of Jonathan Winters” (1972-74), “Mork & Mindy” (1981-82) and “Hee Haw” (1983-84). SEASONS GREETINGS - My husband and I were devot- ed record buffs when we were young, and we recall a seem- ingly endless list of hits and the years they were released. But neither of us can remem- ber when Frankie Valli re- leased “Sherry.” Can you help? - T.C., Omaha, Neb. “Sherry” was a hit for Val- li’s group, the Four Seasons, in 1962. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons still perform in concert. REMEMBERING SLEZAK - Where was Walter Slezak born? I always admired his work, but I could never place his accent. I know he is dead, but I still enjoy seeing his old movies on TV. - L.A., Tampa, Fla. This fine character actor, who was the son of the great opera tenor Leo Slezak, was born in Vienna, Austria, in 1902. His daughter Erika Sle- zak followed in her father’s acting footsteps; she plays Viki in the daytime drama “One Life to Live.” In addition to having a prestigious film ca- reer, Slezak made a number of TV appearances in such an- thology series as “Studio One” and “The U.S. Steel Hour.” He also portrayed the Clock King, one of the infamous villains of the “Batman” series. Slezak committed suicide in 1983. Fans who want to know more about him should read his autobiography, “What Time’s the Next Swan?” Crystals + Rocks + Jewellery POLLAINE E. EMDE ‘COLUMBIA AVE. ast B.C. VIN 3K3 (604) 365-7616 Res 365-3253 pt at home. A sense of humor is sometimes the best med icine. Things will start looking up toward the end of the week. TAURUS -~ April 21/May 21 Don't be afraid to push yourself for. ward this week because you could make tremendous progress with some special project. Don't get too upset about your work routine, which has probably been rather try- ing lately; it looks as though some important changes are coming up. GEMINI - May 22/June 21 You are going to be very busy in the next few days — so it would be a good idea to get your activities well organized. People could prove a bit hostile towards you — but that might be because you've not been making your intentions clear to them. Think carefully before you speak. There's some good news on the way concerning family. CANCER - June 22/July 22 Things could prove a bit slow to Start with this week. But they will soon speed up — and it may be hard to cope with everything. Avoid other people's problems — and don’t let them put too much on your shoul- ders, or else you may find yourself getting involved with situations that are both time-consuming and emo- tionally exhausting. LEO - July 23/August 23 This may prove to be a rather con fusing week for you with family and business interests clashing. It is a good time to press on with private ambitions, though. Because work takes up a lot of your time, certain members of your family may start to feel a little left out. Do try to avoid personal disputes — especially around midweek. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Be very careful about money deals this week — if you're not cautious you could find yourself regretting some decision later. There could be a quarrel brewing with a loved one — it will clear the air and create a more harmonious atmosphere, so don’t hold back, however much you may hate arguments. The weekend looks like it holds an unusual journey. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Concentrate as much as you can on matters concerning home and family. People will prove very helpful — so you shouldn't be reluctant to recruit May 2 their assistance. It looks as if you might get involved in a pleasant get- together with an old friend shortly. There is a possibility of a meeting with an old flame — someone you thought you'd never see again SCORPIO — Oct 24/Nov 22 On the work front everything may seem to be a little predictable. This is a good time to consider a change. You will be feeling confident and decisive, so use this period construc tively. It could be that someone on your social scene is a good contact in terms of your career. SAGITTARIUS — Nov 23/Dec 21 It’s going to be an odd sort of week for you, and you're going to have to step carefully. Don't get too impa- tient with friends — and don’t go leaping into permanent commit- ments, which you know you can't keep. Relatives play an important role, but you'll have to be careful not to upset them. It’s time to work on some projects you've been putting off lately. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 One or two problems could crop up this week, but you'll find them pret- ty easy to handle, providing you don’t take things too seriously. If you're feeling down in the dumps, that'll be your own fault rather than anyone else's — and it's pointless taking it out on friends. Don't let things get you down; try to escape as much as possible by getting out socially a bit more than usual AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 19 Don't get too upset if things don't work out the way you planned this week. Be patient and try to stand back and take a broader view of events. It is likely that something which, on the surface, seems to be rather disappointing could be to your advantage in the long run. PISCES — Feb 19/March 20 There could be a bit of tension on the domestic front — and even your high spirits won't be able to alter the Situation. The best you can do is try to keep out of any arguments which might be brewing. Get out of the house‘as much as possible. YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK The next 12 months: A long-term physical problem you've had will finally be alleviated this year. With some drive on your part, you can really make things happen, So get to it! A love inten- Calvin and Hobbes You BET OA SENSE THAT EVERY FACET | HAVE "MANY KEY POLICIES COULONT PRINT OF OUR DAILY LIVES SMOULD ° DEPEND UPON THE POSITION OF CELESTIAL BODIES WUNDREDS_OF MILLIONS IVE DECIDED T BELIEVE W ASTROLOGY AND VORDSCOPES, — MT HOROSCOPE SANS, ” TURN: ABOUT MEANS CIRCUMSTANCES, WN YOUR FAVOR. ASSERT VIEWS WN CONFIDENT MANNER. LUNAR. CYCLE HIGH, MANY OF YOUR KEN POLICIES WILL BE IMPLEMENTED. * by Bill Watterson TE NEWSPAPER \T ONLY MAKES LOOK HERE. TODAY LLL WPLEMENTED” I GET TO AT (F(T WERE OF MILES AWAY hK GREAT? TODAY \SNT THAT SO WHAT FIRST, OBVIOUSLY, 1S “DONT ARE YOUR DO HOMEWORK.” C'MON, IM FATED “WEY POLIKIESY | LETS Go OUT AND PLAY! TO GET MY - WAY! THE ve WEAVENS DECREE IT! WW LOOKS LIKE SHE Has A BONE FO PICK WITH THE MOON : ——— wey | WAY WATCH ME i ASSERT MY WIENS | '> (NA CONFIDENT Fa € Manners BABY BLUES WELL, MY HOROSCOPE SAID “MARY XEN POLICIES WILL BE IMPLEMENTED,” Not ALL Te :) Xr Wy L ACCIDENTALLY waPpencn? Ne STEPPED ON sn ——, HER FINGERS, HOw DO THEY LOOK”? ARE THEY BROKEN 7? WILL SHE EVER PLAY THE XYLOPHONE AGAIN 777 YAY) 44 Z sifies and, for singles, new love is on its way. This will be a very good, pro- ductive and meaningful year. BIRTHDAY @ April 24 @ April 24 @ May! @ April 27 @ April 29 @ May 4 @ April 28 @ April 28 & @ April 28 @ April 28 Happy 8th birthday Jennilee Babe Deda Chena Jsnnilee Kabatoff- love Mom, ad, Amanda, Ashley & Cody Happy 8th Birthday to Megan & Ajay - love Mom Jeffrey DaRosa - love mom & dad David DaRosa - love mom & dad Chris DaRosa - love mom & dad Jeannie Tellier - from her friend Jeannie Tellier - from her friend Jeannie Tellier Happy 3 1st - love mom & dad Jeannie Tellier - from Geoff & Keith THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS INDICATED BY LOGO Have you tried our Spicy Spiral Fries? “They’re Great!” QOH! ITS ALL MY Faye! I SHOULD VE BEEN NORE Fur! L SHOULD VE WATCHED WHERE T WAS OING | | \ THIS WAS THE FIRST DAY THAT ZOE tk HERSELF UP ON THE : FURNITURE... Zz oN 1 WONDER WHY WE WERE SO HAPPY? | — = = a oe BES mS