216 Saturday, May 30, 1992 @ | Really, If you've ever seen one of those Key- stone Beer commercials on television you will know where the inspiration for this column came from. For those of you who haven’t seen one of these deals they, in a nutshell, involve some gorgeous young woman draping herself all over this pretty av- erage looking guy and the announcer in the background saying: ‘Wouldn't it be great?’ (Oh yeah, like scantily clad inter- national models — with busts bigger than my car— fawning over every- day looking guys is ever going to work as a marketing tool for beer compa- nies.) Besides agreeing with the Keystone announcer that yes, it would be great in the scenario presented, I began thinking about other situations in which that particular sentiment would apply. And so, in no apparent order, here are a few of the scenes I managed to come up with. Wouldn’t it be great if... Travis Green, Kelly Hurd and Steve Junker all made the NHL next season and then were all voted to the all-star team and played on the same line? And wouldn't it be great if ... In that all-star game Greg Adams scored the winning goal on an assist from Ray Ferraro and Steve Bozek, just to show the kids that it takes a wouldn’t it be great if... few years to make a name for yourself in the bigs? y Wouldn'’t it be great if... The hockey arena at the Communi- ty Complex actually had a decent sound system and sufficient lighting so it didn’t feel and look like the inside of a maximum security penitentiary? Wouldn't it be great if... Quebec separated and Canada kicked their butt in international hockey year after year after year until they were so embarrassed they begged to be let back in the Confederation. Wouldn't it be great if... The Blue Jays and Expos met in the World Series. for five straight years? Or would that be enough for the Americans to begin bombing sor- ties on our major cities? Wouldn't it be great if... People finally forgave Pete Rose — and Elvis Presley for that matter — and gave him his rightful due in the annals of the game? Wouldn't it be great if... They found a cure for AIDS and we could have Magic back? And wouldn't it be great if... The U.S. Olympic basketball team got beat by the surprising boys from Bolivia in Barcelona and finished out of the medals? Wouldn’t it be great if... After Ben Johnson beat Carl Lewis in the 100-metres in Barcelona — and in the process broke all that loud Agent mouth’s records — he grabbed Lewis, wrapped him in the Canadian Flag and whispered in his ear ‘you’re a los- er and nobody likes you.’ Wouldn’t it be great if... Castlegar City Council devoted its entire budget for the next five years into building a football stadium and attracting a CFL franchise here? Wouldn’t it be great if... The CBC decided to replace Don Cherry with William F. Buckley or Carl Sagan? (Okay, maybe not.) Wouldn’t it be great if... In the Winter Olympic Games one portion of the figure skating competi- tion involved skaters being scored. on how well they avoided body checks from Wendel Clark? Wouldn’t it be great if... An alien life form visited our plan- et and took away Peter Pocklington for use in medical experiments be- cause not even they could believe he would trade Gretzky? Wouldn’t it be great if... All those parents who make minor sports organizations a living hell for normal people would wake up one day and realize that it’s probably not all that serious? Wouldn’t it be great if... After spending a couple of years in the cell beside him, Mike Tyson final- ly realized what a jerk Don King is and beat the snot out of him in a 10- round televised bout from the pen? Wouldn’t it be great if... Jack Nicklaus won the Canadian Open this year? And wouldn't it be great if... Canadian golfers won all the major tournaments on the LPGA and PGA next year? Wouldn’t it be great if... Local amateur referees, umpires and officials, who get paid a pittance for a thankless job, were treated with even a modicum of respect from the players? ; Wouldn’t it be great if... Vancouver was given Montreal’s Major League Baseball franchise by default? Wouldn’t it be great if ... I got a higher paying, highly prized job in the sports department of a sol- id daily newspaper in Prince George? Merchants on aroll in men’s ball NEWS STAFF The Castlegar Merchants cashed in this week with back- RENT ] THIS SPACE! Ph. 365-7266 @ Saturday, May 30, 1992 Devils end drought NEWS STAFF He said they would come and they did — goals, goals and more goals. A week after predicting his team would break its goal- scoring drought, coach Carlos Amaral saw it come true in pair of West Kootenay Men’s Soccer League games this week. : The Hi Arrow Devils offi- cially ended the drought Sun- day at Kiwanis Field with a 7- 4 win over Trail. And they kept the goals coming at Mazzocci Park Wednesday in a 5-0 win over Fruitvale. Prior to the wins, the Dev- ils, 3-2, had been shut out in a pair of losses. Meanwhile, Dexters Dy- namos can’t seem to get their season on track. The Dynamos fell to 0-4 Sunday with a 4-2 loss to Nel- son Heritage Inn at Kiwanis Field. That loss came on the heels of a bench-clearing brawl between the Dynamos and Fruitvale May 20, in which the game was called at the half. The Devils play in a four- team B.C. Summer Games qualifying tournament in Creston this weekend, while the Dynamos take on Trail at Kiwanis Field Saturday at 6 p.m., and Rossland Sunday at noon. . week. News file photo The Castlegar Hi Arrow Devils ended their two- scoring drought in a big way with eae ies a pair of lopsided wins this TheNUNBERS ZONE 1 (KOOTEN AY) TRACK AND FIELD TRIALS GIRLS TRACK 100m Alita Parisotto (Trail) 12.57; Leanne McLim (Trail) 12.63; Cassandra. Boon (Wasa) 13.72. 200m Leanne McLim (Trail) 26.44; Cas- sandra Boon (Wasa) 28.53; Sue Ann Pfi- effer (Femie) 29.50. ; 400m Sue Anne Pfieffer (Wasa) 1:05.4; Christine keshen (Invermere) 1.05.5; Rhi- annon Tutty (Invermere) 1:10.6 800m Christi hy i} i 2:452.1; Tanya ip BOYS TRACK 100m Bemie Ip (Grand Forks) 12.25; 200m Bemie Ip (Grand Forks) 25.10; Stephen Coates (Fernie) 27.10; Brad kristian (Castlegar) 298.10. 400m Erik Richardson (Nelson) 1:14.9. 800m Shaun Daniels (Cranbrook) 2:32.2; Frank Tadgell (Marysville) 2:35.6; Ryan Gee (INvermere) 2:36.7.\ 1500m Shaun Daniels (Cranbrook) 448.9; Deveon Paimer (Creston; Wayne 3 ( ) 2:40.5; Elizabeth Naude (Fernie) 2:57.0. 1500m Christi thier (Mar i 5:32.8; Tanya d (Kim ) martin ( riey) 5:17.8. : 3000m Sh Daniels (Cranb 10:26.8; Deven Palmer (Creston) 10:28.1; 5:34 5; Elizabeth Naude (Femie)6:08. 3000m Tanya Kemprud (Kimberley) 12:47.9; Christine Kershen (Invermere) 13:37. 80m Hurdles Leanne McKim (Trail) ieee ence Been (Marysville) 42; isty Waterstreet i pao ty (Marysville) 300m Hurdles. Christine Pianezzola (Trail) 52.53; Christine Gauthier (Marysville). 53.47; Misty Waterstreet (Marysville) 56.9. High Jump Amy Perrault (Trail) 1.58m; Teresa Tomich (Elkford) 1.56m; Kim Daniels (Cranbrook: 1.47m. Long Jump Amy Perrault (Trail) 5.30m; Kim Daniels (Cranbrook) 4.57m Faye Coleby (Elkford) 4.53. Triple Jump Amy Perrault (Trail) 10,.49m; Kim Daniels (Cranbrook) 9.37; Faye Cole- by (Elkford) 9.36. Shot Put Teresa Tomich (Elkford) 9.26m; Christine Pianezzola (Trail) 9.17m Andrea Fitzpatrick (Invermere) 7.232. Discuss Christine Pianezzola (Trail) 22.80m; Misty Wood (Grand Forks) 21.02m; Kacia Babott (Brisco) 19.58m. Javelin Kacis Babott (Brisco) 15.45; Sara Joubert (Invermere) 14.86; Andrea Fitz- patrick (INveremre) 10.67. Pentathlon Jasmin Kohl, Cranbrook. Justine (Creston) 10:38.5. 100m Hurdles Chad McPhee (Rossland) 15.42; David Clarke (Kimberley) 16.10; Brenan Chato (Grand Forks) 16.81. 300m Hurdles Jon MacGregor (Elkford) 47.4, Brenan Chato (Grand Forks) 49.5; Kevin Armstrong (Grand Forks) 63.9. 1500m Steeplech: Justin (Creston) 5:38:4; Jon MacGregor (Elkford) 5:43.4; Wayne Martin (Kimberley) 5:55.6. High Jump Ryan Wille (Grand Forks) 1.60m; Chad McPhee (Rossland) 1.58m; Kevin Armst ong (Grand Forks) 1.55m Long Jump Davied Clarke (Kimberley) 5.31m; Bernie Ip (Grand Forks) 5.04m; Kevin Armstrong (Grand Forks) 4.91m. Triple Jump David Clarke (Kimberley) 11.08m; Ryan Wille (Grand Forks) 10.96m; Sid Bickmore (Creston) 10.95. Pole Vault Chad McPhee (rossiand); Sid Blackmore (Creston). Shot.Put Joe Cavennaugh (Invermere) 9.96m; Mitchell Stade (Invermere) 8.27m; Steve Hallon (Invermere) 7.11. Discus Ryan Wille (Grand Fo ks) 31.69m; Joe Cavennaugh (Invermere) 22.77m; Ryan Babakieff (Castlegar) 21.18m. Javelin Cory Willig (Creston) 26.00m; Steve Hallon (inveremre) 24.16m; Ryan Gee (Invermere) 23.59m. Hammer Throw Cory Willig (Creston) 16.23m. LIFE... donation. The best part is sharing it. Tell your family your wishes about organ and tissue British Columbia Transplant Society to-back wins in the Castlegar ? ] 5 Men’s Commercial Fastball Genuine, jazda Parts ae ae advantage of some ‘ BLACK HAWK 5 & Accessories timely hitting and standout « ; ; : 4 Specialized pitching, the Merchants beat : 2 4 Mazda the Castlegar Blues 3-1 Tues- Service day at Kinnaird and handed the Valley Royals a 4-0 loss Wednesday in Appledale. Against the Blues, Cam Sookro’s double delivered the winning run in the top of the seventh for the Merchants, who had trailed 1-0. Tt was the second game ina row Blues’ pitcher Pete Ev- dokimoff has taken a shutout into the final stages of the SAT., JUNE 6 Castlegar Complex 6°": Early Bird 7°"-Reg. 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