: If ever you decide to do some research on the lower forms of wit, I can tell you how to go about it, Just get yourself a black eye. 1 had a doo zer: re- cently. My wife gave ittome, All right. Not Bill Smiley th at way. She was sit- ting in the car, walting for me to carry the groceries into the house. through’ the rain, Just as I bent and reached for the car door to open it and ask her if that was all, she opened it smartly from the inside to ask me why I hadn't brought out an umbrella. When the door nailed me in the eye, I thought I was a goner. My wife shrieked and ran stralght into the house to see whether my “loss of limb or eye" acc dent policy was paid ap. Within afew minutes, the eye was the size and color: | of a bartender’s beezer. But: by the time we'd finished arguing about whose fault it had been, it was obvious that I'd live. * * * ‘We didn’t have a piece of ateak, and if we'd-had, I doubt that it would have been sacrificed, But the Old Girl, bless ‘her, dug out some hamburg that was going a bit blue, and made me Hie down with a big ham- burg poultice on the injur- ed optic. “ Right off the Ice, it, felt retty good at that, and I . stopped off to sleep, moan-, ing but brave. During the night, the bandage worked loose, and when.i woke, in the dark, I thought:the eye. had fallen out. But it was only hamburg, all over the low. Next morning, the _ orb 5 ooked Uke a purple: Seolt ball. We patched it up‘as best we could, and I set off to face the wits, The comments were hil- arious. They. ranged from the simple, dry brilliance of “Hoo hitcha?” and “For- get to duck, eh?” to the coy, insinuating, “1. knew she'd catch up with ya some day.” They ran the scintil- dating gamut from the in- evitable, “I suppose ya ran into a door” to the ineffably humorous sally, “Meet the former welterweight champ of the Smiley household.” * * * I came back with some real funnies myself, ‘My wife,” I replied, veFootwork isn't what it used to be.” 1 admitted. “Yotta see the -° other guy,’? I quipped. I can go along with al joke as well as the next bird. But after a while, in fact if I remember rightly, it was just after the four- teenth “Hoo hitcha?”, I began getting a little sore. I mean, fun’s ca, you know, but, after all So, when the next joker made his move, I told him, dolefully, that a maiden lady who didn’t like my colamn had thrown acid in my face, and that I'd never have the sight of ft again. He turned green. My next customer was a who tittered, “That'll teach you to write things about your wife in that. column ‘of. yours.” I gave her a gentle, sad-look | from my good eye, and sug- . gested that she. not Iet the divorce alienate: her ‘from my wife. I left her with her mouth open. * wk I quickly disposed of: an elderly lady, strong in the temperance movement, by. informing her the’ injury : had been received from my young daughter, when ‘she clubbed me on the eye with a half-empty whiskey bottle. It's good sport. Next the old . trouble-and-strife . hangs one on you, Jack, youl know what to do.’ WAVES OFF ELECTION, Ending | rumors of an imminent election, British:Prime Minister Douglas-Home has an- nounced he will ‘not call a’ general election until October, when the government tenure runs out, and an election is necessary by law. THE HOME TEAM + Ez “Okay, okay, I get the message!” pice se ; SE, = a » = THE CHILDREN'S CORNER i "tate L-_ Thine ‘ In some regions of Canada I’m the first songbird to arrive in spring. I’m named for the color'on my w: ings. « ‘Who am I? “PHGDEIA POBUM-PEY ATASNV ae - EDA MEIER) : [aime 3) tae CT TTAly| cae Ee otw}=]d Our Hungry. World By RAY ARGYLE The latest world population forecast from; the United i Nations Is that the globe's population’ will double by the year 2,000, reaching the six billion: mark... ,- , Already, according ‘to the report, 600 million of the : world’s people are!" (suffering. actual hunger’ and “another. one billion suffer ‘ from malnutrition, How can Canada square its’ con. . sclenco with : these’ overwhelming con- trasts between’ Its wealth ‘and ‘others’ poverty, between its“ under-population and others’ over-population? Ray Aveyle The answer is that we can’t, In‘efforts made 50 far to grapple with the problem of starvation and over-population, there’ is as yet no sign of a break-through’ toward a final’ solution, The spectre of a world overrun vith hungry people, of one vast city y covering the entire globe, is already a familiar nightm: The oaliad peer sn explosion is: being ‘held out by many authorities as ‘being a ‘greater threat to the future of humanity than any ever posed by nuclear bombs. But humanitarian efforts to supply’ foodstuffs to backward nations often worsens the basic problem because of the tendency for population to rise as addi- tional food supplies become available. And it is here that the critical juncture is reached in the ‘population puzzle. Just as birth rates increase as food supplies and :industrial capacitics. grow: in back- ward ‘countries, so is the population level held down by the available supply of food. The determining factor in such areas as Latin America and India therefore is food. For this reason, it may well be for the- explosion to ever reach the blow- -up point because popu- lation cannot exceed the level ‘at which human beings can subsist on minimum diets, This accounts for the endless cycle which has been running through ‘such nations ‘ever since Western Indus- and food were’ first made available to them. > As:health standards have improved; the death rate has declined. As industrial capacity. has grown, families .-have, multiplied. “As ;more food has ‘been s hipped in, “more. children have'ssuryived’ into (Adulthood, in: turn bringing , more chils into ‘the ‘world. ©. * Feed has always" been the controlling nsiie! elther limiting the population when it was . not available, or in- * creasing it when it was available, - + Recent demographic studies. now ‘show ‘conclusively that the cycle will continue: without significant change unless the countries struggling with these problems adopt aggressive policies ‘of birth control. This has been done in Japan, and’ ‘the: result is the highest: standard of: living in Asia. : ‘The world will- not explode fram’ ‘er-population, but, half‘of the globe's humanity is forever condemned to near-starvation’ until birth contro) becomes, the rule. “instead ‘of the’ exception in the ‘family of*man, Canadian social worker. Doris Clark ‘invites you to. write hor about’-your problem. She answors letters of gencral interest in this column but can’t undertake personal replies, DEAR DORIS—I am 17, and consider myself a “normal red/ blooded : Cuna- : dian boy." I-am editor of the scnool paper, president of the student union. But 1am a little’ mixed ‘up as far as‘thé subject of friend- ship goes. : : Where are two boys, one of whom. is my “best buddy.". The other bas a car P'ye been. out with them: and had good times; but am: never ee I have to ask... The’ ‘other night I Sheed the one with the car about going out. He said he'd call back, He didn’t. Next day 3 learned ‘he’ and ‘my buddy had gone out, This may sound. ‘girl- ish," but 1 felt “terrible. What should I do? Men- tion it? Not mention it? Stay home? DEAR BAFFLED—Thrée. somes present. "problems. Both boys have a perfect right to be with each other, even as you and © your buddy do. But: must .you say home if you.have no car’ : An editor, a president, just has to be a creative © person.” Start ‘off /in‘an- other . direction, : on foot, with somebody else, - ant * forget to be hurt. You'll be meee new friends all: to give a Party, for. them ‘ 1 was wondering about decorations. © Would silver ‘and streamers sus LPL: ‘PEDRO — By. de LE pended over the table be all right?, O£ course, there will be a cake on the table, { presume one can buy silver bells and streamers, MATRON OF HONOR DEAR MATRON—No, not silver bells and streamers. More appropriate for this occasion—which marks an important milestone — is the use of shining ‘sliver- ware. Flat wear. and: tea service. Silver sandwich tray and cake plate, Silver candlesticks with tall white tapers. ‘The wedding cake could be professionally ‘frosted, and trimmed with tiny sil- ver bells, to provide a glamorous centrepiece, Le DEAR DORIS—Our daughter is:in grade nine and finding Maths and Eng- lish very hard. _}’ve. been 0. way ip fore it’s too rer ene gets marks like 34, 4) Both teachers hase olfer- ed ‘to help ‘her, but they can't spend too much time on‘ one student. I'd like to find a tutor but I expect the feo would be far too much Rfor my. pocketbook. ; » FRANTIC DEAR FRANTIC’ Why -4s she failing?” “Are her study habits poor?.- Do you know ‘her capacities? Do ~ her talents ‘run :more ‘to “practical subjects? - Talk with the teachers. And write in for.my leaf- ‘, let, “How To Study," if this is where she, is” falling down. Enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope and . ten cents, A tutor for even ‘a short time might give her the lift she heeds. ; Industrial, Commeretal ~/ and: Residential - Electrical’. Wiring ‘BOUNDARY Electric: Heat Specialists - Medallion Homes "Phone 365-7241" CASTLEGAR *" GRAVEL PLUMBING & HEATING EXCAVATING : -DITCHING Supplies and Installations | Natural Gas and Oil Heating Specialists, + Phone 365-8284) KINNAIRD TRANSFER ‘|. Phone 365-4228 or 365-4004 : New Hoites Remodelling Gerieral’ Construction’ All Work Guaranteed : ARROW LAKES * MACHINE: SHOP Precision Machining Gas and Electric ‘Welding Y General Machine ‘Repairs Phone 365-5482 «~-: > Phone 365-8151 “Across from’ the Arena’ Box 80 — Castlogar, B.C, GEM CLEANERS ) PETER EINAKIN At the Foot of Pine’ + ‘. General Contrae! Quick’ 4-Hour Sérvice..: ting Castlegar ‘and Distriot’s: Own Dry Cleaners © Fponded, and Licensed - “Blectrie (Castiegar) Ltd, | ; {Above Bank: of Montreal’ P & G Construction Ltd. “, Custom; -Homés a, Specialty ct : Free’ Estima‘ ° IN TRAILER AT ELIS ‘AUTO COURT. + Ph, 3658290 jor 865-4 CASTLEGAR - FUNERAL HOME {": Beet to, Bindly jouahful Si ice Flowers ‘Acereaited | Public ‘accountant “Open 6 am, to 12pm. Not just another place .t to eat But the place. to eat another Phone. 865-3881 - i Credit Bureau and Collection Agency * Protect Your Credit’ Ra <"* Credit ‘ Collections Pooled’ Accounts . - Castlegar. Phone 365-5712 * Printing Supplies CASTLEGAR NEWS Phone 305-1268 j. 1. LAUGHTON Box 130 — Castlegar, B.C, ® _OPTOMETRIST. Office Houra: Mon, — Wed, — Fri. * 10.80.12": 130-5 “Phone 365-2581 “BEN'S CUSTOM WELDING & REPAIR | + Portable Unit for _ Wed. 2.30 to 8. p.m, Phone 365-8211 BACK: HOR ‘WORK : —— HOUR OR CONTRACT — =. REASONABLE RATES i" JESSE i ~iPh, 3655988 "KINNAIRD CONSTRUCTION e's COMPANY NO JOB TOO SMALL Phone ' 365-3262 ~ Built to the measurement of the Golden Rule BULLDOZING - LANDCLEARING ‘phone 365-2758 Dewis Contracting "Castlegar z LEILERET x “RECEIPT BOOKS ADDING | PAPES “MOORE ‘FORMS "CASTLEGAR NEWS Ph, 3057286 "TOP JOB PRINTING ’ CASTLEGAR NEWS + Phone $85-7266. CASTLEGAR CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY’ Craftsmanship Guaranteed Call. for free estimates, — me gat mt AAAAB Bowling. Tuesday 1 o'clock’ Ladies High Single Rose Liz- zee 251; Ladies High Three V1 McLuckie 630, Team High Single Skyline Auto-service 927;' Team High Three Tiger ‘service , 2640, Team Points: Independents 1, Chstlogar Drug 3; Tigor service | 611. 4, Oglowa 0; Skyline Auto-service 3, Ross's Meatmarket ‘1, Other, 600’s Kaye Homeniuk 621, 5 Tuesday Mixed League 7-9 LHS Ruth Rourke 283;' LHT Ruth Rourke 779,"MHS Mike Kaza- koff 316; MHT Mike Kazakoff 799, THS Button Pushers 1174 THT Button Pushers:3129. TP: Wests.1,-Button Pushers 4, Regulars 1, Bridge’ Builders 0, Lotta Blows 3, Haillcys Comets 3, Other 600's Bit head 776, Karl Koreen 725, A 1044; ' THT I Don't’ Know 2781, ‘TP: “Sportsmen” 1;°"Bank') of Commerce 1, Happy Gang 3, I Don't. Know. 3,, Night Hawks 3, Bootleggera' 1. Other 600’s George Jablonsky 653, Ed Webster 601, Elaine Dally Wed Morning Drivers League LHS Marg Munns 220; LHT Marg Munns 585. THS Sparctires 856; THT. Carburetors 2431, TP: Carburetors 4, Sparetires 3, Bumpers 1, Exhausts 0, Cranks eB Sparkplugs 4, Wednesday Nite PLAYOFFS LHS Alice Zebroff 235; LHT Verna Kereiff 687. First, Place, Oddballs 2624; Second Place, Kingpins 2354; Beat- nike 2346; een ‘Thumbs ae 653, Earl Rourke 643, ‘Ben Demp. sey 642, Colin McKenzie 619, Len * Greenwood 609, Dave Cooper 605. ‘Tuesday ‘Night Mixed 8-11 LHS Corine Iwanik & Elaine Dally 230; LHT Corine Iwanik 637. MHS Bill’ Shay) 276; MHT Bill Shay 724, THS —E_—E 168, Romie Roller's "Lengue ROLL OFFS LHS Siena New 229; LHT Glenys New 58! Team stanldngs:, 1st Place — Groaner’s 3263, Cri- er’s 3187, Moaner’s 3152, Hooter's 3137, Waller's 3009, Sercamer's Bub + at LEITNER’S “FOR ALL-YOUR CLOTHING @ DRESS @ SPORT se WORK | “You GET VALUE HERE FOR YOUR DOLLAR LEITNER'S ET | 5.3, Night Classic Mixed LHS Dorothy EGGS doz. 49¢| ROBIN: HOOD Flour 25- Ib. b.hag wt: 79 307; LHT Queenie Davis" 684. MHS Bill Shay 316; MHT John Paulson 707. -THS Fiva Shakes 1209) THT Five Shakes ‘3040. TP: Five Shakes 3, Castlegar News 1; Defenders 3, DeVito's’1; Reformers 3, Deadbeats 1. Other 600's Ken Price 705, Bill Davis 672, Dorothy Shelfon- * tiuk re Slim Koochin 615, Bill Shay: 6 Mines Minister Gels a Picture oF this District . Mines Minister Don Brothers, MLA for Rossland-Trail, has been presented with a picture of the Castlegar District to. hang in ‘his new - offices in“ the Parliament Buildings ‘at Victoria. ™: The presentation was made last week in Victoria on behalf of the Castlegar Chamber of Com-. -] merce by its business and industry chairman, Fred Pressacco. The decison to'make the pre-, sentation was passed at the Cham- i ber’s' last meeting. NEW EADE RIN ECONOMY. SAWS! McCulloch again leads the feta with a low priced, Gecsiston’ bullt chain saw that eats fest and stays on the Job. Features +, guCh a8... Full 17” bar @. ale cat handle e Automatic cluteh e Me- cylinder. with cast iron liner e Batanced, vishenaiah design... Make the’ McCulloch MAC 15 your “best buy’? ‘In economy saws. Come in today and prove it to yourself, Waldie Service Centre Front St : THEY'RE OUT... LOOKING GETTER ; - THAN EVER = Now that you've seen ithe new models you. pro- bably have one all: picked out that fits :your in- ~ dividual ‘needs—only to find it is financially out By.seeing your Castlegar Credit! Union “gi cost .credit © ‘ union loan you'll'be ‘able to.see how it’s possible ©” for, you to have that new car without stretching the family budget. What's more the balance’ of this loan, in'most cases, is insured against your death or total and permanent disability by CUNA Mutual — a company owned and operated ex- clusively ‘by, credit ‘unions and their members. LIVE BETTER .. . JOIN THE CREDIT UNION CARNATION ine Pade 3 tins $L Peanuts i in shell Ib 25 ES WINKLG 15 Gs: PKGS, CAKE MIXES 2 or SNOWFLAKE APLASTIC PAIL) PURE SHORTENING 212 Ib. . “MAPLE LEAF 1%2:LB, (CANNED. HAMS tin ne ” CAMPBELL'S' VEGETABLE SOUP aq: tins PINK SEAL Le ‘SALMON. es 3 tins . 79el" $1.00 : " McCORMICKS ASSORTED ‘COOKIES 80 biscuits . , FRESH GROUND HAMBURGER bad 39c | ROUND STEAKS. Ib. \FRESH CUCUMBERS Ib. 29c FIRM RIPE uae ea tube... . . 23e FOUSSIs 50.1b. bag. . $1.59 KING SIZE TIDE box $139 $1.00 | " 8Yqup Lucky Dollar Store” PERSONAL SIZE -IVORY SOAP 4 bars . Se 37c “GLEEM Toothpaste economy size -— BM - 59c regular. size. . 33c _- Phone. 365-5353 z WE RESERVE THE RIGHT: TO LIMIT QUANTITIES, OPEN DAILY.:.TO.9 P.M.