Page t2A = Death Continued from 8A effectively draw. up their own living will two wi But ci under le; process is get it signed by tly the process is live review. “The on, what model, what framework to use.” He both the B. C. Law Foundation and that of Notary Publics were actively involved. What, then, of one who has no living will, who has never expressed any wishes © i his or her death and is now ompetent to dc ? Harrigan: ‘There are mechanisms that allow @ pérs6n to delegate anoth- er the authority to make de: sions when the principal is unable to do so." As Turnbull pointed out earlier such decisions should be dis- itlegar Sun cussed with someone close you, and written down. Then he or she would know what your wishes are, even if you could no longer voice them, Harrigan cautions, in a report’ he wrote for the B.C. Medical Journal, that the surrogate “is to Wi ons the patient would have made if that patient was capable of doing so.” There should be no conflict of interest “whether material (the surrogate being the beneficiary of a large inheritance) or emotional CI've been married to that man for 45 ednesday, February 12, 1992 years — I can't plug”). Much serious thought and dis- cussion should take place before anyone makes a living will or advance directive, says Turnbull And the time to start “is right now." ay pull the Bigger meat sale. Remember your ~ Sweetheart on . Valentine's D Friday Feb. 14, 1992 CARNATIONS 10.98 dozen Long Stem. Florist Quality Per Stem ee GIANT KISS Hershey's Assorted Colours. Per Stem. Chocolate. 9 9 198g ea Occan's iM Occans, Anke uttt WY LIGHT TUNA 184 g tin. MIRACLE WHIP Kraft. Regular or Light. 1 L. 98 Limit 1.° . J ea 3" SELECTED PANTYHOSE Selected Colours x% and sizes. Orr Safeway Brand. ee Regular Quality. Approx. 10 Ib bag. Limit 1 bag. 94/ kg Ib _ SEEDLESS GRAPES Red. Product of Chile. Ib No. 1 Grade. 2.16/ kg g We ee Le ER ee emt oer oe WEDNESDAY, February 12, 1992 Wife assault in our society * Part 1 For many women, the common ‘Home Sweet Home’ saying is noth- ing short of a cruel joke. These misleading terms cloud the reality of the situation by implying that it could be either partner who is playing the role of assaulter or victim in this explosive situation. A woman is taught from an early age to accept passively what life brings her. She often goes from her father’s home to husband's home. She gives up om aetnnernia enn Stee RHA ‘tt Is only within the last 100 the extent to which men could physically discipline their wives.’ her father’s name and takes on her husband's name. She is socialized to believe that her worth as a per- son will be measured by her ability to “catch a man” and to “keep him.” She grows up believing she will be taken care of economically and socially by a man in exchange for caring for him, the home and their children. If she pursues a career, it will be secondary to her husband's. Her pleasure is expected to come from pleasing others, especially men. She seeks approval as the means 16 vi “RSTSENT Tramhiitig for thie tradition- al female role prepares a woman well for her posi- tion of victim. Wife assault is not a recent phenomenon. Instead, it has been part of our history since the dawn of civilization, Wife beating and even wife killing were rights accorded Greek and Roman men. An 18 Century British law authorized a husband to chastise his wife with a rod no thicker than his thumb (the “rule of thumb”) in order to maintain discipline. The same authority extended to his chil- dren and any apprentices—all of which were con- sidered his household : A 19 Century judge in the state of Mississippi ruled that “if no permanent injury has been inflict- ed. . by the husband, it is better to draw the cur- tain, shut out the public gaze, and leave the parties to forget and forgive.” Between 1909 and 1960, the Canadian Criminal Code contained a special offence of wife battering. This section was noteworthy because under this offence the victim had to demonstrate a greater degree of bodily harm than was required in cases of other assault. It is only within the last 100 years that wife assault has been considered illegal. Until that time the law simply regulated the extent to which men could physically discipline their wives. Recent publicity about wife assault has led to the than there ever was. This is false. There has always been a high incidence of wife assault in our communi- ‘We as a society, have collaborated in keeping it Another false assumption is that the Women’s Movement has put pressures on families that lead to more wife assault. In reality, the assault is not new, but finally, women are speaking out. laws and policies: As of 1986, in Canada, a divorce can be granted on the grounds of physical cruelty; as of 1983, in Canada, a husband can be charged with raping his wife, and in 1984, in British Columbia, a new justice system policy directs the police to initiate charges where there is evidence of wife assault. tim helpless and afraid, even during the times when physical damage is inflicted. . The intimate relationship between the assaulters not and their victims makes the situation seem all the more terrifying and hopeless. On-going assault over a mumber of years has the potential of escalating into serious injury or even murder, vlan female 2? Killed within a rtext an women were tic disputes. Physical assault takes the form of hitting, shoving, slapping, beating with fists and choking. It also includes hitting with weapons such as belt buckles and sticks and burning with cigarettes. It can escalate to the use of such weapons as guns, knives and axes. The physical damage is Severe and can end in murder. Sexual abuse takes the form of forced sexual activities, sexual vio- lence, humiliation, excessive jealousy or the use of penetrating objects. Sexual assault is often accompanied by threats of violence and actual violence. Many women, who are enduring such tortures, have been taught that submission is part of their wifely duty and they have no right to refuse humiliating sexual demands. Psychological abuse also takes many forms; including threats to use violence against the woman or her children; or to use some information against her; bring shame to her family; forcing her to per- form degrading acts; accusing her of sexual infidelities or inadequacies; terrorizing her by driving recklessly or playing with a knife or gun; belittling or attacking her beliefs or efforts to better herself; controlling her activities, isolating her from family and friends and depriving her of sleep or food. These psychological tortures wear the victim down and keep her in Perpetual fear. They are often combined with other forms of abuse. Acts of destruction which can include anything from tearing up a family album, breaking household objects or even killing a family pet. This form of abuse is sometimes seen as less threatening. “At least he's not taking it out on her,” is a common justification. But the targets are carefully chosen and the message is clear. “Next time it could be you.” HOW WIFE ABUSE MANIFESTS Any woman entering a relationship with a man can become a victim of violence. Some women, after the first experience with violence or the threat of violence, leave the situation or take immediate steps to change the situation. Other women, for a variety of reasons, remain in a relationship where they are frightened victims of recurring violence. Some have been attacked and beaten repeatedly for years before they seek help. On the average, a woman will leave her partner seven times before she finally makes the escape permanent. When women do seek help, they are often times blamed for the entire ordeal. “What did you do to make him hit you?” is a commonly asked ques- tion or “Your husband's such a nice guy. You must have done something wrong,” or “If you hadn't married him, then you wouldn't be in this spot. Blaming the victim is so pervasive that it demands special attention. Such remarks feed into the assaulted woman's negative self-image. They heighten her self-doubt and convince her that she might really be responsible for his violence. Many women will do anything to avoid being beaten, although most times there is nothing they neuennnnsinentnesensiensammmieeeneeimmetamenmeneanemimmmmemmmemnenenell ‘When women do seek help from an abusive situation, they are often times blamed of the entire ordeal... Blaming the victim is so perva- sive that it demands special attention.’ can do to avoid the attack. Women report that a wide variety of situations might trigger an assault Women are beaten for “talking back,” for “not turning down the TV,” or “asking for money gro- Some women are dragged from their beds and beaten. Assaulted women, like all other women, are not perfect. It might even be tempting.at times to believe that they are responsible for at least part of the abuse. The bottom line however, is that no woman ever deserves to be beaten, regardless of the kind of person she is. IMPACT ON CHILDREN Sometimes one of the main reasons why a woman will not leave an abusive partner is due to the concern she has’ for her children. They believe, and society advocates, that “children need a father” — regardless of that father’s behavior. It is clear however, that a man’s vio- lence against his wife has significant effects on the children, whether or not he has turned his vio- lence directly on them. They are emotionally damaged by witnessing the on-going violence— physical or psychological. Fear is a common reaction of children who have witnessed their mother’s battering. They might be afraid that their father will use violence them as well. They might also be afraid, if their mother has left her husband, that she will also leave them. Children might feel guilty—they think they could have prevented the situation or that their mother has chosen to leave their father because of something they have done. A woman's concem for her children might put Pressures on her to stay or return to the marriage. If she leaves, the children might pressure her to go back, because they love their father, or because they have taken on their father’s attitudes toward their mother. Sometimes, fathers bribe or threaten the children to convince their mothers to return. One of the greatest tragedies concerning wife abuse is the hereditary cycle of violence it presents. Dad beats mom. The child watches. Dad or mom beats the child. The child lives in fear. The child become a dad. Dad beats mom... FACT: abusive relationships for many reasons, including love for ; fear of retaliation a lack of alternatives. $s vary about the children who will grow up to ase violence in thei Main that uny people live by the pattems they le: childhood. A man who saw his father beat his mother is more likely to treat his own partner in the same way than is someone who has not wit- nessed violent behavior. A woman who has seen her mother beaten is more likely to pt being beaten or to blame herself for the violence. Still, change is possi- ble. Children, as well as their parents, can learn ne conflict and anger and therefore change the pattern so t not be passed from generation to gencration. eeres violence will NEXT WEEK - What is Castlegar ving to address wife assault? What an we as a community do further and what can we do as individuals.