enci pe Bamford was only 17 when she wed Alan ‘ Mitchell on April Fool's day, 1971. Penelope had jumped at the chance of marriage for the very good reason that she came from a family where child abuse was the norm rather than the exception. Her dad was a drunken lout who regularly beat his wife and children. He was happy to learn that he would have one less mouth to feed. Penelope and Alan settled into a small but comfortable home in Paarl, South Africa, a cily famous for its exported wine in less troubled times. For 10 years the Mitchells led an apparently happy life. There were two additions to the family, daughters Natalie and near death. So near thal rushed to hospital, Detectives were soon at the scene searching for jane. the murder weapon, Whoever had killed Alan had Now, I'll let you in on a little secret. By the time apparently carried away the instrument of death. Alan was 44 years of age, his sexual interest in his wile had diminished to such an extent that is was almost nonexistent. Penelope, 27, was diametrically opposite to her husband when it came to the birds and bees, Folks, the woman was frustrated. It was quite a shock to neighbors Natalie and ~ «Harley Brown when they heard Penelope give a n blood-curdlin ream shorlly after Alan had driven up to his home. The Browris dashed outside and observed Penelope standing over her husband's fallen form. His head had been split Open and he was heard he had fall outside and her YOUR TICKET TO MORE EFFECTIVE ADVERTISING Your Advertising Dollar Deserves SPECIAL Treatment That is our assurance to you We will customize your ads so that they will get the . Attention they Deserve !!! ADVERTISE IN.... WY The GastiSgar Sun ZS CALL 365-2278 NOW hen questioned, the Browns told a straightforward story of having heard Penclope scream and of running to assist her. They were immediately eliminated as suspects in the case. Penelope, who was under sedation, told of having er husband slam the door ‘of-his car. When lled to enter the house, she had Bone..;,... had found him on the path beside a ge. : Dr. Brian Cheevers, the criminal investigations’ medical officer, examined the body. He told Scientists set to honk underwater! ties through the water will help show tion in Antarctica, at San Franciscot” whether the greenhouse effect is warming the oceans - the warmer the water, the faster the sound travels. “This is just a feasibility experi- ment,” Tony Church, pher at Australia’s Commonwealth ientific and Industrial R SYDNEY, Australia (Reuter) - Australian and U.S. scientists set sail Wednesday for a small island near Antarctica where they will transmit an underwater honk through the world’s oceans in an attempt to measure global warming. The experiment has drawn from i i t-he died shortly after being detectives that the blow to the back of the head had probably been delivered by a hatchet. Because of the severity of the wound, he felt that the murderer had most probably been a man. Penelope, a petite woman, had never really been considered as a suspect. She was now totally dismissed. Police had difficulty establishing a motive for the murder. Alan Mitchell was not a weallhy man. He carried only enough insurance to provide a decent burial, Nothing had been removed from his erson at the time of the attack. His friends and relatives were checked out. He had no known enemies, Yet, someone had waited for him behind a hedge in front of his home and had savagely beaten him to leath, The Mitchells’ family life was ti Tl anonymous tip that a butcher! might be inv Ived, tha ‘er. Lf ‘was'a different ‘mat! ‘Police checked out where the Mitchells usual purchased their meat. They found thatithe butcher, a man named Borken, was over 70 years of.age and towered five fect four inches ‘In helght, Borken could not have inflicted the fatal blows, but his delivery boy was strong, good. Jooking Noel Hatting....... 04 ‘or, some thine police couldn't figure out why no fi one In the Mitchells’ neighborhood had reported seclng a stranger, They. surmised that the killer must} have been someone who wouldn't be noticed, sumeone: who had every right (o be there, someone like No! Matting. . : Nocl was taken into custody and questioned. He had quite a story to tell. He stated that he had been having intimate relations with Penclope for some . Thoy were usually rushed affairs, duc to the fact that her husband and two children had to be'out f the house. Whenever he made a meat delivery, Noel also delivered other goods to Penelope. ‘The first ime ho had delivered meat, Penelope hnd seduced im. She had told him that her husband wasn't t Interested in sex, Conversely, she just loved it. Nocl’ was her boy. + . Penelope had also told her lover that divorcing her husband was out of the question. Alan was a deeply religious man who would never consent to a divorce, When Penclope suggested that the only way to get rid of Alan would be to murder him, Noel was } aghast. He would never be a party to murder. On the day of Alan's murder, Penelope had hypnotized him. He was an exceltent subject and had often allowed her to put him under in the past. This time, he came around and discovered, to his consternation, that he was standing on the path , in front of the Mitchells’ house hold! ig a bloody * hatchet. Alan Mitchell was lying at his fect with a horrible wound in his head, ~ - enelope told him that he had killed Alan, but that everything would be.all right. She took the hatchet and urged him to go home, wash, and burn his blood-spattered clothing.’ She had promised to hide the hatchet and had assured him that there were now no obstacles to their being together forever and ever. Noel claimed that he had no recollection of the actual {filing. Dazed and confused, he had thrust the hatchet into Penelope's hands and had run home. Penelope was taken into custody. Her story was in sharp contrast to the one told by her lover. £ According to Penelope, it was Noel who had seduced . her. She had attempted to break off their affair, but Noel had blackmailed her by threatening to tell all tof: her husband, On the afternoon of the murder, she had heard her husband arrive home. When she had fone outside to greet him, she had found Noel, bloody} ‘atchet in hand, standing over her husband. She had not told the true story earlier because she felt Noel would implicate her. She feared separation from her children and life in prison. ‘here you have it; two diverse stories, but the police were not taken in by either yarn. Experts agreed that while Noel was an excellent subject ‘here Was no hint that they were anything but a happy, loving couple, The only thing a bit unusual was Penelope's hobby. She had received some local acclaim as a hypnotist. Penclope held meetings at Icast twice a week in her home, When she had good subjects, she often had them act out ridiculous Scenes and find hidden sobjects. Everyone enjoyed-the entertainment. Besides, she didn't charge for-the-fun., Discovering that the wife of a murder victim is an amateur hypnotist didn’t help the investigation one little bit. However, when detectives received an Tuesday. “It’s the application with- out a genuine environmental impact study that is causing us concem.” The U.S. research vessel Cory Chouest will take 10 days to sail to Heard Island, just outside the Antarctic circle, from the Westem for no one could be pursuaded to do something under hypnosis to which they were . , morally opposed. No, Noel had known full well what he was doing. Detectives proved that the murder weapon belonged to the Mitchells. Noe? could not have obtained possession of the hatchet without Penelope's k H had. planned. an executed the murder together. ot thE On Jan. 8, 1982, Penelope Mitchell and Noel -HatlingE were found guilty of murder. Each received 15-year prison terms. ; ooo and along the coasts of South Africa/ Australia, India, New Zealand andi Canada to pick up the sound as it: travels. “Je will take us at least 10 yearst an oceanogra- k of testing to see whether there has lian port of Standing 50 miles off the island worried that the Ioud noise could harm whales, seals and fish and affect their ability to navigate. is laudable,” Greenpeace spokesman David Iggulden said it will lower a transmitter 980 feet into the water, The device will emit pulses of sound on a frequency of 57 hertz at 219 decibels, The speed at which the sound, similar to the honking of geese, car- 4 ters in Hobart. \ PERFORMANCE AUTOBODY Organization (CSIRO), told Reuters by telephone from CSIRO headquar- . “We will see whether this noise can be heard - we think it will be, easily - and then we will design a° program which will use a much less been any ing,” Mr. Churclg said. “There are lots of motions irk the ocean which affect issi and we will only get a ‘mean’ after: several years of gathering data.” « Australia’s leading envi talist_ politician, Bob Brown$ believes the honk should not be sounded until there is proof that it does not harm whales, He likenedi the pulse’s effect on whales to aj * buman being locked in a room with' a high-intensity noise. ety £4 ace is Concemed with the © », honk's effect on the seal colonies on Heard Island. “The frequency being used is at The Castlegar Sun Page 9B Wife should be happy Dear Ann ‘Landers: would like to reply to “Baffled in Tulsa’ whose husband said the reason he stayed with her all those years was because the sex was so good, My guess is her husband is going through his mid-life crisis and she doesn't. know a compliment when she hears one.‘ f - Cluing In to the carrot connection Some years ago, armed with a volume entitled Raising Rabbits and a vast amount of small meshed chicken wire, I hippitty-hopped right into the business of bunny breeding, T had found, by trial and error, mostly error, that I was never, not ever, destined to become a chicken plucker of any repute. It only fol- lowed, I reasoned sensibly, that it should be much quicker to produce a table-ready carcass from a beastie whose wrapping came off all in one pi Answering an ad offering rabbits for sale, I spent an exciting after- noon chasing bounding bunnies around a large barnyard and the approximately. 30 adjoining acres. That should have been my first clue. Bunnies are very quick, unbelievably slippery, and they kick like mules armed with sharp little toenails that make wonderful razor knife slashes to exposed skin. Those should have been my second, third and fourth clues. . i I headed home (f hoped) with three girl bunnies and a boy bunny. It tured out to be two and two, but it could have been much worse: Clue number five, In no time at all, my shiny new rabbitry was full to overflowing with little pink-eyed, long-carred Thumpers and Bugses and Flopsiés and Mopsies and Peters. Pe Leaping into the thing wholeheartedly, I immediately tipled my carrot production out in the garden. Tt was about then that I found that I would never, not ever, become a rabbit unwrapper of any repute and, ‘in fact, I could actually pluck a chicken quicker, which, to this day, I still find totally incomprehensi- ble. .Besides, chickens also laid eggs, much like my bunny botch-up. However, prior to this profound revelation, I had already planted, weeded, thinned, 'hervested, washed, packed, and stored enough car- Tots to feed several hundred hoppers which no longer lived with me. Which leads me to this slightly unusual, but excellent, recipe. Just one of a multitude that resulted from this little episode from which, I'm sure, there was a lesson to be learned. What it was, I haven’t a clue. ee Whole Wheat Carrot Nut Rolls These excellent rolls seem to stay fresh longer than regular yeast rolls. 1 pkg. active dry yeast 1/4c. warm water 1/2.c. milk 1/4 c. butter or margarine 1c. whole wheat flour 2c. all-purpose flour 1c. brown sugar 1c. chopped pecans or walnuts . 1/4c. butter or margarine, melted A toes, cian i 1c. icing sugar tbsp. milk 1/2 tsp. vanilla ag Dissolve the yeast in the warm water. Set aside. Heat 1/2 c. of milk ‘and butter until butter melts. Pour into large bowl. Add sugar, carrots, , and salt. Cool to lukewarm. Add dissolved yeast, egg, and whole ‘wheat flour. Beat until smooth. Stir in all-purpose flour. Tum out onto ; floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, Retum to bowl, , cover, and let rise in a warm place until doubled. Tum out and let rest . ten minutes. Meanwhile, combine brown sugar, nuts, melted butter, and cinnamon. Set aside. Roll dough out to a 1/4-inch thick rectangle approximately 18-inches by 14-inches. Spread with nut filling. Roll up, jellyroll fashion, from the long side, pinching seam to seal. Cut in one-inch slices and lay cut side down in a greased 13x9x2-inch baking pan. Cover and let rise until doubled. Bake at.375 F, for 20-25.min- utes. Cool in pan on wire rack. Mix together icing sugar, 2 tbsp. milk, and vanilla. Drizzle over rolls from the tip of a spoon, Makes 18 rolls. When i go on the rocks, the rocks are usually in the Mattress, The vast majority of hus- bands want more sex than they are getting. Studies show that men * think about sex an average of six times an hour, which is about 750 - “Tulsa” could then ask her how | important the other things were on which she worked so hard. — Baf- fled in South Bend Dear Baffled: Thanks for a letter that reflects more truth than poetry. I cCouldn’t have said it better myself, ° was over, my - es also included shoes, shower, eae bape jer in mobility and shower gift,and dding gift. Throughout all this, the only time I beard from Jane was to firm up details, ‘| She'ignored ber bridesmaids at the Ul dinner and we barely Anz 4 Landers spoke at the wedding. I haven't seen or-beard from her since, not even a thank-you note. What should I do with this Sundi. { Columnist Dear Kingwood: Put it on, times a weck, not i dreams, Compare that figure with this one: The average married cou- ple has sex 1,5 times a week. ‘Have you ever heard of a man leaving his wife and family tor another woman because:she is a great cook or a fabulous er? Men leave their wives because they want more and better sex, Lets face it. “Tulsa” kept her husband _ because she is good in bed. She should be proud of herself and it her husb "s Dear Ann Landers: I am a 27- year-old single woman who has had the “honor” of being a brides- maid in 10 weddings, «My friend “Jane” and I were close friends throughout high ‘school and college, but over the years we lost track of one another, Then one day she called with the exciting news that she was to be married and wanted me to be in the wedding party. I tried to get out of it but she insisted. , frank, truthful compliment. It might be useful for her to seek out and talk.to a woman who didn't think sex in marriage was that important and ask that woman how happy she is with her separa- tion, divorce and singleness. After the conversation, Jane didn’t get in touch with me again for four months, no phone calls, not ” even a Christmas card. Finally, she phoned to say she had picked out the bridesmaids’ dresses. They were $180 plus alterations. Before make a dunce cap and 80 sit in the comer. Dear Ann Landers: I am the “Nursing Home. Nurse.” You know, the one who takes care of the old people. ‘The one who gets no respect for her profession from her peers, I am the nurse who is sick and tired of bearing, “Honey, why don’t you work in a hospital and be a real nurse?’ 1AM a real nurse. I care about the people I look after. I attend seminars and spend a fortune on books so that my information is up- to-date. I also give hugs with my | drugs. Nursing homes today are very different than they were 30 years ago. Not all our residents plan to stay until they die. We have a fine ‘We keep up on the newest med- ical procedures and the latest in rehabilitation. We keep current on can't afford the postage. We often take residents home for dinner or a holiday. We make time to sit down and listen and hold a resident's hand while he or she talks'about a family problem. This is part of nursing. ‘There's a lot more to it than drugs and work in nursing homes with a little ‘More respect.’ We deserve it: — $.C, RN, Fla. Dear Nurse: Thanks for a letter that could have been written only by someone who lived it: your col- leagues will be pleased to see this in print. news-of-+the current compilation of the most peculiar thi People do, edited by Chuck _ Shepherd. - : Proof that true stories are weirder than made-up stories. Jeremy Lynch, a photography student at Ryerson Polytechnical Institute in Toronto, claimed in November that Lake Ontario is so polluted with mercury and iron that he has been able to develop photographs using lake water cap- tured around factories without adding any chemicals. A Toronto pollution control official said he did not dispute Lynch's claim. POLICE BLOTTER ¢ In March, a convenience store in Tempe, Ariz., was robbed by a barefoot man armed only with a fork. Asked to comment on the use of a fork in a robbery, police Sgt. Al Taylor said it was “not normal.” © Mark T. Sikes, 27, was arrest- ed in Brandon, Fla., in April and Labor Day after he had to elude police’ by dashing through b of a neighb ° A. Charl ville, Va., woman reported to police in hood. When captured, Russ had his shin off and was sitting on a Porch trying to become part of a cookout. * Rhode Island state Sen, Dominick J. Ruggerio was arrest- P that a stolen $200 from inside her wood- en leg while she napped in her home, » © Only a few hours after their wedding in September, John and Jill Mitchell were arrested for dis- charged with p a “lewd and lascivious” act in front of chil- dren. Allegedly he was sitting in a parking lot, nude, smoking a cigar, and two children had stopped to watch him. © Benjamin Carnesoltas, 36, was convicted in April in Lee's Summit, Mo., of slashing a jail guard with a razor blade, despite the fact that no weapon was ever found. The prosecutor had con- vinced the jury that Camesoltas, a circus performer who can swallow and regurgitate' objects at will; bad gulped down tHe blad Pees © Stephen Douglas, 35, of Bronx, N.Y. , was charged last summer in Milford, Conn., with what police say is the largest shoplifting attempt in the city’s history. Police say he had more than $2,300 worth of over-the- counter medicines (including 100 boxes of Bufferin) in a shopping cart that be was calmly wheeling out of the store, hoping no one would notice. # * Curtis L. Gross, 30, was arrested in Baton Rouge, La., in August. After allegedly beating ed and charged in Sep with * Michelle Hendrix, 42, who was named Mother of the Year in Oroville, Calif., in May, pleaded no contest to methamphetamine P i es in S © The $1,200 Electro-Ejacula- tor (used to extract semen for arti- ficial insemination) was stolen in April from the Large Animal Clinic in East Lansing, Mich. NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN orderly duct at the Delavan House Hotel in Elkhorn, Wis. Police arrived to find them slug- ging and biting each other and pulling each other’s hair in a dis- pute over where to spend the night. ° A 64-year-old overweight woman in artsville, Tenn., entered a hospital several months ago for Surgery on what doctors said was tumor on her buttocks, but what doctors found instead was a 4- inch pork shop bone, which they ° During a k-long sting operation in St. Paul, Minn:, in-- 1. They esti d it had been in’ place for. “five ‘to 10 ‘July; in which female'decoys’ ’ ‘yeats,* barthé Wonidn had no rec- arrest men for soliciting prosti- tutes, police reported two unusual incidents. A 16-year-old boy and a 35-year-old man together solicited one decoy and were arrested, after which police dis- covered they were father and son. Also, a 13-year-old boy on his bicycle approached a decoy and asked if she wanted “to party” (slang for having sex). She told the boy to scram, but when he said, “Honey, I've got $35, and it’s buming a hole in my pocket,” she decided to arrest him. i Andy Barrett his wife, he apparently to commit suicide by locking him- self inside the trunk of his car as it was inching forward into a lake, but the car came to rest in shallow water. © Michael Russ, 33, was arrest- ed in Montgomery, Ala., on assault and stolen truck charges on . of Pembroke, N.H., reported a building missing from his proper- ollection of having sat on it. (Send your Weird News to chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 57141, Washington, D.C. 20037). (The NAL/Plume paperbacks “News of the Weird” ($6.95) and the all-different “More News of the Weird” ($7.95) — each with over 500 of the most bizarre true news stories from the collections of authors Chuck Shepherd, John J. Kohut and Roland Sweet — are available at most bookstores or by mail from New American Library, P.O. Box 699, , N.J. 07621. Include $1.50 per book for ty in August. it was an bled, prefabricated structure weighing 15 tons, with stcel gird- ers and beams 35 feet long and three feet thick and which took four hours for him to unload. Postage and handling.) COPYRIGHT 1991 UNIVER- SAL PRESS SYNDICATE 4900 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64112; (816) 932-6600 Overseas worrying should be concentrated elsewhere Q. I'm in Saudi Arabia, participating in Operation Desert. Shield. While Bet us co alt the vemembeung Jor you Book all your flowering needs in advance. January is the time to arrange all your flowering needs - pay when your flowers are delivered and save 20% on the entire purchase. Plan now for Birthdays, Weddings, Valentines Day, Anniversary's. Any special day can be booked in advance, 1125 - 4th Strest Castlegar ICBC Claims 365-2585 (old MeGauley Ready Mx Bulking) the greatest sensitivity of the seals’ hearing range,” Iggulden said. ‘ “What effects the sound pulses will have on other species such as fish, which also. respond to underwater sound, is unknown.” 5 Ask for. Jon , Donna or Cathy ke Please leave your porch lighton . for your Castiegar Sun carrier. — | here, I've had plenty of time io think about my girl. We've been involved for nearly a year. The sex is good, but ‘she has difficulty reaching orgasm during sex, though she can have orgasms easily during oral sex and masturbation. She’s only’ had two orgasms via intercourse since we've been together. Is it possibly because imy penis is too small to satisfy her? I , worry about this, especially out here: alone. : ‘ ; A. Stop worrying right now! You have many reasons to worry over ithere, but penis size isn’t one of them: “The size of a man's penis has nothing ito do with whether or not a woman. reaches orgasm during Intercourse. The vagina is elastic and can accom- ;Modate ‘penises of different. sizes,