B4

(From DONAHUE, MY
OWN STORY by Phil
Donahue. Reprinted by

a of Simon
Distributed ‘by
the Los Angeles Times
Syndicate.) 4
In the summer of
1973 Margie and |
separated. She took
two of the children
and moved to
Albuquerque, where
her parents lived,
while | awkwardly
began the job of
laying the role of
oth parents to the
remaining three kids
— no small job.

In Centerville, Ohio, I
did the best I could ex-
plaining to the neighbors
what had happened, prepar-
ing.meals (barbecued steaks
on Monday night, TV dinners
on Tuesday) and learning
how the washing machine
works,

After 10 months, and
scores of TV dinners, Margie
and her hassled husband de-
cided to try a reconciliation.
At the same time this per-
sonal decision was being
made, a very big professional
decision was being made as

: well. “The Phil Donahue
Show" was moving to Chic-
ago.

The decision to move our
act to a bigger town followed
six years of trying to en-
courage program guests to
come to Dayton, The growth
of our show had stalled at
about 38 cities, and it became
clear that “Donahue” in Day-
ton had gone about as far as
it was going to go.

AFTER A FRANTIC
search, I purchased a three-
storey, six-bedroom house in
Kenilworth (a North Shore
community that boasted the
highest per capita income in
the greater Chicago area),
and the reunited Donahue
family settled in.

The reconciliation failed.
Four months later, Margie
left with all the kids for
Albuquerque and I began the
longest six months of my life.
There is nothing emptier

_ than a house once occupied
by a wife and five children,
unless it is a king-size bed
once occupied by two people.
For me, every day alone in
Kenilworth was like not
having a date on New Year's
Eve. I thought about all the
divorced fathers everywhere
and wondered if they were in
as much pain as I was.

When, later that year, I
obtained custody of the four
boys (under a voluntary
agreement) 1 was quite lit-
erally reborn! I had sold the
Kenilworth house, by then
referred to as “the Mausol

} JACQUELINE
BISSET

IRWIN ALLEN's production af

CASTLEGAR NEWS, April 30, 1980

Single again:

eum,” and rented a house in
Winnetka, where I enrolled
Jim, then 12, in the neigh-
borhood school and the other
three boys in New Trier High
School.

I missed Mary Rose ter-
ribly, but her frequent phone
calls kept us “together.” She
had been accepted in Youth

Orchestra as a violinist, and I ‘

was very proud. Mary Rose
has understood her father's
longing for his only daughter
and in a most mature and
loving way tries to relieve

my unhappiness by saying all *

the right things. I was count-
ing my blessings.

1 WAS ALSO COUNT-
ing socks! For a while I was
convinced that parenthood
equaled socks. I couldn't be-
lieve how many there were
and how dirty they looked.
Not just tattletale gray —
they were black. In fact, f
was beginning to notice a lot
of things ‘that had never
caught my attention before
— like other people's floors.
Without knowing it, I was
slowly being absorbed into a
whole new life experience. It
is called motherhood.

At the laundromat I
would be caught with two full
washing machines and no
change, staggered by -the
number of coin boxes and
coin combinations they took.
And I had to hover as the
spin cycle ended for fear an
angry fellow customer would
empty my machine with less
concern for the contents than

Thad. And all the while I am.

trying to look comfortable
(and praying that I will not
be recognized by pretending
to read an old magazine in
the glare of fluorescent light.

SOON I BEGAN GET.
ting my act together. I ac-
quired a washer and dryer of

my own, and not only did it:!

run without coins: I didn't
have to be there when the
spin cycle ended, And I could
do my wash without wearing
a hat to hide my face. And 1
soon became a very sophis-
ticated domestic: the Downy
goes in the rinse cycle.

I thought about all the
women in America who were
raising children alone, with-
out benefit of live-in help and
without benefit of my in-
come, and I realized one more
feature of the culture's
double standard. Women in
my circumstances. are ex-
pected to raise children and
money, without applause.

: When men do it, they are

showered with attention and
admiration, and if they're
lousy at it, they take on the

“little boy lost” aura, which “

makes them even more at-
tractive,

When I think of the
countless women in this
country who get up in the
morning, make breakfast, see

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that the kids are dressed
properly, send them off to
schoo}, dress, go to work,
come home, make dinner,
speak to the emotional needs
of the children, do the wash,
retire and get up again in the
morning only to do it all over
again, I don't know how the
shell they do it! My fantasies
about "my four sons” have
been lowered, and my con-
sciousness raised.

THERE 15 NO WAY IN
the world for a father of five
children to describe.the feel-
ing of being introduced at age
99 as “my boyfriend.” But
that is how I was being
identified by women, who,
for lack of a better word (and
God, how I wish there were a
better word), are called
“dates.”

It had been 17 years
since I had had a “date,” and
the only thing that hadn't
changed was my wing-tipped
shoes. It was like being back
in college with gray hair. It
was a deja vu nightmare in
which all the old lines
(What's your major?") no
longer worked. People who
knew me would extend an
arm for a “H been?”

When his marriage ended,
television talk show star Phil

Donahue had to learn to be both

' parents to his sons, no small

achievement for someone who

didn’t know how to run a

washing machine.

He uncomfortably begins dating

again for the first time in 17

years and, in this third part of a

series, tells how he eventually

met new love Marlo Thomas.

While-in a conversation
with one of the young women
at the party I inquired about
the identity of a particularly

th d

y
handshake while all the time
staring at the woman next to
me. The women next to me
always seemed to be 24 years
old, and I always seemed to
be not so much shy as ter-
rified.

One woman I dated was
a flight attendant. (It was
much easier for me to say I
was “seeing” a flight at-,
tendant rather than a "stew-
ardess.”)

SHE WAS KIND AND
smart and pretty and put the
lie to all those “Coffee-tea-
or-me?” stories. She also
seemed interested in me and
not my celebrity status.
‘Once, during a TV football
party in her apartment, I
stood around nervously try-
ing to appear comfortable

loud
guy telling bad jokes in an-
other corner of the room.

“Oh him,” she said. “He’s
a retread.”

“What's a retread?" I
asked, knowing I looked
dumb but unable to cope
without the information.’

“A retread is a divorced
guy,” she said. :

That night en route
home, I thought about all
those fantasies of unhappily
married men — about the
Jack Lemmon type of guy in
the high-rise with the Gucci
loafers and the open shirt and
the Italian horn. About the
man who gets his divorce,
buys a new stereo and a wine
rack, and says, “Bring on the
broads!”

"When | think of the countless

women in this country who get u

in the

morning, make breakfast, see that the .
kids are dressed properly, send them off
to school, dress, go to work, come
home, make dinner, speck to the
emotional needs of the children, do the
wash, retire and get up again in the
morning only to do it all over again, |
don't know how the hell they do it!"

I thought about the
myth. And I thought about
being a retread.

8

IN’ REALITY THE
most important things hap-
pen when you don't look for

- them.

. Thad met her once be-
fore, in Dayton in 1972, when
she was on the road prom-
oting her TV speci: ‘ree to
Be You and Me." I re-
membered her as very
bright, articulate, Catholic
and sexy. She was a perfect

Donahue guest — famous.

beautiful, popular, very con-
versant with important is-
sues like men and women,
careers, role models, femin-
ism parenting and politics.
And if all that didn't carry
the show (which it did) we

could always talk about her -

famous father.

I knew the moment I
met her in the dressing room
in Dayton, Ohio, in 1973, that
here was a guest who would
never, ever let me die on the
air. She also had a great
body, and if it had been 1953
she would have been a “bad
thought.”

THE SECOND TIME I
met her was in Chicago in
1977, and a lot had happened
to me in the interim. I was
single, trying to raise four

!

boys and just beginning to
get uséd to the idea of being
accompanied to social events
by a woman who was not my
wife. When I walked into our
“green room” at WGN, her

that my phoner had. never
been answered and con-
cluded firmly that for all of
her charm, she was capable

‘of blarney and -on this oc-
) casion her kind words about

a ‘retread’ in the laundromat

looked nothing like Cupid.
When I arrived home
that night, a note next to the
kitchen telephone, written in
red ink and in Kevin's hand,
read, Marlo Thomas called.

mM

i
(

back was to me. When ‘she *
turned, I immediately ‘ re-
membered the eyes, which
hadn't changed since Dayton,
Nor had the smile or the firm e

handshake. ; arn es W eur

We talked about ‘our =
Ladies

me had been just that.
“Besides, Bob Cromie

NEXT: The joys and
embarrassments of celebrity.

common Catholic © back-.,
grounds. While I was being
kept after school at Our Lady
of Angels for talking, her
father was being summoned
to Marymount Catholic Girls’
School in Beverly Hills for
the same reason.

THE TIME FOR THE
show was approaching, and
we were doing something for
which both of us had been
disciplined in school — we
were talking, aloud and with
enthusiasm, and at once.

Walking down the hall
behind her I wondered how
this glamorous -TV/movie
star with: the bad-thought
body could be so girl-next-
door.

The show went very
well, For both of us.

When she left, I won-
dered if Iwould ever see her
again. I made no indication
that I wanted to, and al-
though she was very gracious
I saw no signs that she was
wondering about the ‘same
thing.

ALL THE SAME
that aftenoon I called her
Chicago hotel, prepared to
offer a well-rehearsed “Hey,
you were great on my show
today,” only to be told that
she wasn't in and asked,
“Who's. calling?” .

The next day I met Bob
Cromie in the hallway at
WGN. He hosted “Book
Beat" on the Public Broad-
casting System and emceed
his own discussion show on
Saturday nights in Chicago,
When I asked him who his
guest was for that day's
taping, he told me. “She's
great," I said... and added,
“J've got a crush on her.”

LATER THAT AFTER-
noon, Cromie stopped by my
office to say, “She said she’s
got a crush on you.” I
thanked him for the report,
gave the information some
thought, inded myself

INTRODUCTORY ©
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BIRTHS
BATCH — To Mr. and Mrs. Gyril
Batch of Nelson, a son, born Aaril
CULL — To Mr. and Mrs. Ron
Cull of Montrose, a daughter, born
April 13. * -

KING — To Mr. and Mrs. Bill
King of Trall, a daughter, born
April 22.

KOSINEC — To Mr. and Mrs. Bob
Kosinec of Nelson, a son, born
April 21.
HOOD — Tor. and Mrs. D.
Hood of Nelson, a daughter, born
April 23. .

GRITCHEN — To Mr. and Mrs.
Louis Gritchan of Castlegar, a
daughter, born April 23.

LAKE — To Mr. and.Mrs. Ross
Lake of Nelson, a son, born April

18,

McALPINE — To Mr. and Mrs.
lan McAlpine of Trail, a daughter,
born April 23.

McMARTIN — To Mr. and
Gordon McMartin of Nelson, a
daughter, born April 16.

uccl — To Mr. and Mrs.
Glovanni Puccl of Castlegar, a son,
born Apri 20.

REZANSOFF — To Mr. and Mrs.
Philip Rezansoff of Castlegar, a
daughter, born April 24.

OBITUARIES

AIKEN — Former Trail resident,
John Walter Aiken, 80, of Kelow-
na, dled April 16 In Tralt Regional
Hospital. Funeral was held April
21 from the Emmanuel Baptist
Church In Trall with Rev. Allan
Walker and Rev. Roy Parker offi-
clating. Interment was in Moun-
tain View Cemetery.

ANDERSON — Formerly of Slo-
can, Mrs, Fannle' Anderson, 91,
died April 8 in Kamloops.

BEAUCHAMP — Dr. Arthur Jos-
eph Beauchamp, 64, of Nelson,
died suddenly April 16 at his North
Shore home. A quiet family ser-

.vice was held April 19 at Blessed

Sacrament Church. Mass waa cel-
ebrated by His Excellency Bishop
Doyle, Montsignor F. Mon-
aghan, Father D. Benedict and
sisters of Maunt St. Francis.

BISARO — Alessandro Bisaro, 72,
of Trail, died suddenly April 19 In
Penticton. Prayer services were
racitad from St. Anthony's Cath-

olle Ghurch in Trall on April 22,
Funeral mass was celebrated by
Father Stan Frytek from the same
church on April 23. Interment was
in Mountain View Cemetery.

BONIN — Jean Louls Bonin, 75, of

_ Castlegar, died suddenly in Kim-

berley, B.C. on April 16. Funeral
mass was held April 19 at Sacred
Heart Roman Catholic Chisrch in.
Kimberley with Father John Ko-
endus celebrant. Interment was in
Kimberley Cemetery.

FARKAS — Imre (Jim) Farkas,

68, of Nakusp, died April 18 at his By

home. Prayers were sald April 22
at the Roman ‘Catholic Church in
Nakusp and funeral mass. was
heard April 23 from Our Lady of
Lourdes, officiated by Rev. Falher
B, Fransen O.M.1.

HAMILTON — Nesbit (Jack)
Hamilton, 81, of Montrose, died
April 16 In Trail Regional Hos-
pital. Memorial service was con-
ducted April 22 from Carberry's
Memorial Chapel with Rev. Had-
den Gragory officiating.

IRISH — Lily Ellen trish, 78, of

Mrs. Rossland, died April 21 at Mater
Miserlcordiae Hospital In Ross- Hom:
the following day In the Taghum

land. Service was conducted from

TICK

St. Andrew's Church In Rossland
on April 24 with Rev. Cameron
MacGulre officiating. Cremation.
LAURIENTE — John Victor Laur-
jente, of Trail, dled April 18 in
Trail Regional Hospital. Family
service was conducted April 21 by
Father Jim Ratcliffe of Our Lady of
Perpatual Help Church In Trail.
MARSH — Clifford Arnold
Marsh, 55, of Nelson, died April
17 In Kootenay Lake District Hos-
Ital. Service was held in St.
Paul's Trinity'United Church on
April 22 wilh Rev. Peter Faris
officiating. Interment was in Net-
son Memorial Park, 5
SMITH — Mary Charlotte Smith,
89, of Rossland, died April 19 at
Mater Misericordiae Hospital.
Service was held April 25 at First
United Church in Kelowna.
WASILENKOFF — Dora P. Was-
ienkoff, 90, of Nelson, died April
23 In Kootenay Lake Oistrict Hos-
pital. Service was held in the
Chapel of Thompson Funeral
aon April 24 and continued

with Special Guests, RED RIDER

MAY 7 at 8 p.m.

Castlegar Community Complex
TS - $8.50 adv., $9.00 door
Available at Arena Box Office ,

Community Hall. Interment was in
Shoreacres Cemetery.

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