Page 6B The Castlegar Sun Wednesday, July 15, 1992 Dear Ann Landers: My cousin and his wife are well educated people who move in high-level academic circles their 3-year-old daughter, ¢ “Betsy,” is unusually bright and “attends a prestigious pre- school. Last fall, they had a baby boy born with Down Syn- drome. My cousin and his wife were devastated. They are con vinced that the little guy will never be able to do anything Worse yet, they appear to be ashamed of the child and have the notion that he will some- how damage Betsy. The woman they hired to care for the boy speaks very tit- Ue English. she keeps him clean and fed, but that's about all. the parents virtually ignore this child. Betsy, however, is crazy about her little brother and he responds wonderfully to her. I realize that having a less- than-perfect child has been a bitter pill for my cousin and his wife, but I honestly believe these two do not know what they are doing. They are not interested in contacting other parents of Down Syndrome children nor do they wish to be identified with them. I'm afraid they are wasting valuable time, allowing that baby to lie in his crib for hours on end with no intellectual stimulation. It's easy to see how much he brightens up whenever Betsy is around. My patience is wearing thin. Since they refuse to talk with other parents, maybe something can be done to open their eyes to the damage they are doing. Please, Ann, print my letter but not my name. Anonymous Bystander Dear Bystander: Your letter showed a great deal of compas- sion as well as’ insight. That couple desperately needs some guidance."How about contact- ing Betsy's teacher or the boy's pediatrician? The guidance must come from an outsider whose professionalism will be respected. Bless you for being ROBSO MECHANICAL HEAVY DUTY AUTOMOTIVE AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION GENE WADDINGTON 365-7006 so alert and caring. You've done your good deed for today. Dear Ann Landers: | realize that a great many men and women have lost people they love in the many wars our country has fought, but I have had more than my share of such grief When I was a little girl, my father died in the Korean War. My older brother was a para- trooper in Vietnam and was killed when he was barely 19. My husband died in the bar- racks that were bombed in the Persian Gulf. I have a teen-age son who tells me he wants to go to West Point and be a commis- sioned officer in the Army. I am really frightened. Three wars have taken the three men I loved most, and now I am fac- ing the possibility of losing my son to the Army in two years. I have prayed about this and cried many nights and have found no answers. What do you suggest I do about this situation that is tearing me apart? Terrified in Colorado Springs Dear Friend: there is nothing you can or should do. If your son has his heart set on a career in the military, it would be unfair to attempt to change his mind. the decision should be his and his alone. If you are to be truly content, dear, you must be willing to allow your on to live his life as he wishes and let him know he has your blessings. Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to "Ceiling Zero," the Pennsylvania woman who did not want to sleep in the same bed with her husband, so she moved into the guest room. (He had told her that if she was in his bed, she shoutd know “what to expect.") « My husband and I have no problem with sexual incompati- bility but we DO have a mutu ally satisfactory sleeping arrangement which "Pennsylva nia” might consider. For the first few years of our mamiage, I slept without covers on 17 inches of a 54-inch dou- ble bed. My husband was a testless sleeper and sprawled horizontally across the bed and hogged the blankets. My solution was to redeco- rate. T bought two twin beds. They each have their own cov- ers, are made up separately and then pushed together. With one bedspread, it looks like a kin- size bed. Now, after almost 50 years of marriage, we both like our sleeping arrangement and nobody feels exploited. Penn- sylvania and her husband seem to be thoroughly confused abut sex, sleep, night and bed -- things which are not necessarily related. A sexual act can take place on the kitchen floor, or under the dining room table, as well as in a number of other loca- tions in the house. [It can occur during the day or night. Sleep, however, generally occurs in bed and usually at night. Your advice to seek coun- selling is right on target. -- Sleeping Beautifully in California Dear Sleeping Beauty: If all the women who wrote to com- plain about their marital sleep- ing arrangements were laid end to end, they would be much more comfortable. Twin beds pushed together, as you described, is the ideal solution for couples who want to be close, but not ALL night EVERY night. Ann Landers Syndicated Columnist Dear Ann Landers: I have a problem I can't share with any- one. You are the only person who can help me. I was in the Oak Brook Mar- shall Field's department store last year, shopping for after- Christmas bargains. the store was very busy and the sales- people were directing cus- tomers to various registers on different floors. I was on my way to one of these registers when I ran into some friends and we decided to have lunch. In the excitement of our meeting, I absent-mind- edly left the store with $260 of merchandise, for which I had not paid. I was scared to death to go back and pay for the items for fear no one would believe me and I would get arrested. This has been on my mind ever since and I have been unable to think of a solution. I decided to send the $260 to you, Ann, and ask that you find a way to get this money to Field's. I need to clear my conscience. Thank you so much. Snobbism is ruinin in - This Week SATURDAY Super Shopper @2ee@eeeea *©@®&¢6688&% & & * Ann Landers * Crime Flashback * Classifieds & more CHECK IT OUT! Anonymous in Oak Brook Dear Anonymous: When I received your letter and the $260 in cash, I ph Linda Myself Dear Been: You've made some valid points but I keep Swanson, general manager of Marshall Field's Oak Brook Store, told her the Story and asked how to handle it, She was absolutely delighted with your honesty and Suggested that I send the store a money order. I've followed Miss Swan- son's instructions and am happy to be the instrument that cleared your conscience. But, please, Mystery Person, don't ever send cash in the mail again. You are lucky this $260 reached its destination. A money order is the way to go. P.S. If anyone who reads this has ever shoplifted or inadver- tently taken merchandise with- Out paying for it, send a money order to the stgre for the full amount. It will make you feel good about yourself and the store will appreciate it. Dear Ann Landers: | believe your answer to “Feeling Guilty in Texas" was less than your best. The mother asked if it was unfair to give more financial assistance to one child than another--even if the other didn't need it. You said the wealthier child would under- stand. Ann, to help one child less than another is a disservice, not only to the well-off but to the disadvantaged. Just because children have made successes of their lives doesn't justify unequal treatment. Too often continually helping the needy discourages them from helping themselves. My wife was a victim of such flawed reasoning. Because we had worked hard and were not in need of fifiancial assis- tance, her father gave large sums of money to his other children who, due to laziness, gambling and poor judgment, were always broke. Children who_ need help should receive it, but an equal amount should be put aside for the others as their inheritance. Countless sibling relationships have been soured because par- ents decided not to leave any- thing to the child or children who “didn't need it.” Also, the winds of fortune do change and while siblings A and B may be very well off at the time the parents’ will is written, things could be vastly different down the road. A great may readers are going to see themselves in you column today, Ann. Been Down That Road Silver Rattle Antiques 301-11 Ave Castlegar, (in Tulips Building) 365-5191 q ing the wisdom of car- rying coal to Newcastle. Read- ers, what do YOU think about this? Should parents give an equal amount to all children and grandchildren, irrespective of need? Dear Ann Landers: Approximately 27 years ago, when I was a young teen-ager, I wrote to you about my father's boss molesting me. I was afraid if I told my parents they would read the riot act to Mr. boss and my dad would be fired. You wrote back and urged me to talk to a school counselor or minister at once. I didn't take your advice because I was too afraid to confide in anyone. I repressed the incident until a few years ago when I began to see myself in your column again and again. Last week I decided it was time to get some help. I had my first counselling session with a psychologist who specializes in treating women who were sexually abused as children. Now I deeply regret that I didn't go for help long ago. I would have saved me many years of depression and won- dering what on earth was wrong with me. I am working hard at recovery because I now have two small children and they need a mom who has her head on straight. Please, please, please--con- tinue to stress the importance of seeking help immediately after the molestation takes place. Victims of sexual abuse should be made to understand that they are not guilty of any wrongdo- ing and what happened was not their fault, they did not ask to be treated that way and they don't deserve to be robbed of their innocence. Please, Ann, keep urging all victims of sexual abuse, regard- less of age, to get help. Birmingham, Ala. Dear Ala.: Thanks for your impassioned plea. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'll say again to all victims of sexual abuse -- get help, get help, get help, get help. Now -- DOIT Dear Ann Landers: This is such a little thing I'm almost ashamed to ask, but maybe lit- tle things can start us back toward civilized living. Please let people know that when they are invited to dinner on a specified date, they should not say, "I can't make it Satur- day, but I'm available the fol- lowing week, Saturday, Monday or Tuesday.” When I get trapped like this, I usually hedge and leave the matter dangling, or I try putting them off, which is uncomfort- able and annoying. Am I being petty and mean- spirited? Level with me, Ann St. Louis Friend Dear Friend: Your gripe is & child's chances legitimate one. A_ crisp response is in order, Say, "Sorry you can't make it Saturday, Let's stay in touch.” Dear Ann Landers: I am the mother of a 2 1/2 year-old- boy. This past weekend I made a bubble bath for may son. When I put him in the tub, he asked me to get in the tub with him so we could play. The tub looked inviting so I climbed in. We were having a lot of fun with the bubbles when my husband came in to see what all the laughing was about. When he saw me in the tub he became angry. He ordered me to get out at once and insisted that seeing me naked could be damaging to our son. Ann, we were playing inno- cently in the bubbles and there were no sexual overtones what- soever. Please say something so my husband will know that I'm not a pervert. Thank-you. Mortified in Louisiana Dear Mortified: I'm sure you meant no harm, Mother, but opposite-sex parents do not belong in the bathtub with chil- dren over 2 years of age. Buy the kid a rubber duck. Dear Ann Landers: I would like to respond the woman whose 61-year-old mother was in failing health. The mother’s doctor had her on numerous medications and refused to address her lifestyle, which was largely responsible for the shape she was in. My grandfather, who is 96, has been in poor health for the last few years. His weight dropped from 200 pounds to 120. Family members were summoned home several times in preparation for his last days. My grandfather's doctor had him on 14 different kinds of medication. Recently the doctor retired and Grandpa was forced to find another physician. The new doctor immediately took him off all medicine. Within a few days, Grandpa felt better than he had in years. It turned out that all Grandpa needed was one pill three times a day. The improvement in his health has been almost miracu- lous. He immediately started to gain weight. He is alert and feels better than he has in ages. When he was 80 years old, he said, “My goal is to make it to 100,” and now we are sure he will. Too often we stick with a doctor and assume he is won- derful because he’s been the old family standby. Remind your Treader that it’s always a good idea to get a second opinion. No one doctor knows every- thing.—T.J.S., Orlando, Fla. Dear Orlando: You've made two excellent points that deserve repeating. First, over- dicating is all too c a Practice, and second, “No one doctor knows everything,” is right on. It’s always wise to get a second opinion. WHEN THE NEED ARISES, WE’RE HERE TO HELP! From jobs and autos, to housing and merchandise, you'll find more of what you're looking for in The Gast gar Sun Zi CLASSIFIED SECTION it works! he Wednesday, July 15, 1992 The Castlegar Sun news +o current compilation of the most peculiar people do, edited by Chuck Shepherd. Proof that true stories are weirder than made-up stories. — In January, as New York bus and subway fares rose and munici- pal budget cuts went into effect, the Transit Authority approved a $50,000 contract for consultant George Kelling to study the rela- tionship between subway station managers and the police officers assigned to the stations. — The Wilmington (Del.) News Joumal reported in January that the Internal Revenue Service's reason for failing to pay 97 tax refunds to Delaware residents is that they are “unable to find” them. However, Alan Levin, son of one Wilmin; gton woman on the list, pointed out his mother’s name in the Wilmington white pages. Said IRS spokesperson Harriette M. Williams, the phone book had been used in the past fo find people but “is not very fruitful It’s not the most expeditious was of handing it.” — Newsweek reported in December that former White House chief of staff John Sunnunu so con- trolled President Bush's agenda that Secretary of Health and Human Services Louis Sullivan had fo mail his proposal for a health-car initia- tive to Bush's post office box in Kennebunkport. — Singapore's environmental munistry announced in January a crusade against chewing gum Tourist will be permitted only “a few sticks.** Packs will be confiscat- ed, and a fine of up to $6,000 could be imposed on importers. The gov- emment called gum a “perennial nuisance” for cleanup workers. — Last summer, local officials in Collinsville, IIL, discovered that the Comer Deli was not in compli- ance with health codes because it had only one bathroom for patrons, even though the restaurant seats only 18. Forced to install a second one, owners Ed and Sandy Dawdy put a portable toilet in their front window. — In Bloomfield, N.M., in April. Laura Thorpe, 39, who said she was frustrated dealing with Physicians about the breast implants, removed them by herself, using a disposable razor on one and squeezing until most of the silicone gel came out. She then passed out but came to several hours later and completed the same Procedure on the other breast. The next day, a physician removed the bags. Thorpe said her regular doctor told her she had done a good job. — Burglars stole 25 homing Pigeons from a Dallas bird sanctu- ary in January. The birds’ trainer told reporter, “This doesn’t make any sense,” in that the pigeons must always remain caged, or they'll fly back to the A — Christopher Merola, 21, was shot to death in September in Staten Island, N.Y., and two other people were wounded in a gunfight that started when one family’s dog uri- nated into bushes on a neighbours Property. (Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 8306, St. Petersburg, Fla., 33738) Quality Care Dry Cleaners (Nelsory Drop-off Depot Bonnett's Men's Wear Calvin and Hobbes CHOCOLATE FROSTED SUGAR BOMBS’ THE SECOND Bowl 'S ALWAYS THE BEST/ by Bill Watterson MAYBE YoU { TRIED SHOMLONT USE }' COLA, BUT CHOCOLATE / TWE BUBBLES TE PLEASURE OF MY //RST AND BY THE END oF MY BOWL 1S DIMINISHED BY THIRD BOWL, 1 USUALLY THE ANTICIPATION OF FEEL Sick \_ FUTURE BOWLS... _/” July 12-18 ARIES — March 21/April 20 Be very cautious about financial matters, or anything connected with business. Other people will have the upper hand in any deals you consid er — and you may find something has been kept secret from you. Don't be rushed into decisions. it might be @ better idea to concentrate more on the social side of life, where things look positive, especially for the unattached TAURUS - April 21/May 21 It's a good week for anything cre ative, especially where work at home is concerned. Any at-home entertaining you do now will be a great success. Be a bit cautious this weekend. It looks as if you could come up against some friction involving someone very close to you if you don’t watch what you say and who you say it to GEMINI - May 22/June 21 If you have some ambitious plans in mind, now is a very good week to put them into operation. You'll find Mt €asy to get started in the next two or three days — but don't make any hasty judgements Saturday could see some special romancing! It's a good time to start a new relationship. CANCER - June 22/July 22 There are some good times ahead for you, and you'll find you're thinking of branching out into something new. Approach it with confidence, and you'll find everything works out well Socially, you're going to be busier than usual — and you'll have to make some pretty difficult choices LEO - July 23/August 23 ing a lucky period right now! Don't be afraid to stick your neck out and take advantage of every opportunity that comes by! SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 You may find some problems crop. Ping up soon, but they're nothing you can't handle. Discuss things with others and don't be afraid to accept advice. Money difficulties won't last very long, but you should avoid taking on any new commit ments. If you have an important —— = ——— decision to make, take your time to YOU CALL THIS NEWS 2” think it through THIS \SHT \NFORMATIVE ! \ SAGITTARIUS — Nov 23/Dec 21 - You'll find it an easy time for get- ting along with friends and the fami- ly. But be careful not to deal with them too casually, because you may be wrong in some of your assump- ig i s tions. An attractive offer could be wal Nd is py | THIS 1S A SOUND BITE / THIS \S ENTERTAINMENT! | FORTUNATELY, THATS ! THIS IS SENSATIONALISM’ | ALL I HAVE THE Ul PATIENCE FoR n) Ma F 2, ' ) V By Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott 190, too! my Parents | [MY FANORITE PART ux FINDING | [THAT IAAT /T SLEPT On A AND T USED TO"ROUGH IT” | | THE LITTLE CHOCOLATES ON | | CAMPING EVERY SUMMER MY PILLOW AT BEDTIME... | | THAT WAS A || BiLToN! $$ ______ WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER TO THROW ALITTLE DiRT AND A FEA) PINE NEEDLES ON THE FLOOR AND STAY HERE? 1OU CAN START LOADING THE MINIVAN, OrAY. I THINK WE HAVE ENERYTHING WELL NEED | FOR THE CARING TRIP} / coming your way in the next day or two. It may not present itself in the Most orthodox way — so be on your toes to spot it CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 It is going to be a fairly busy week for you, especially at work. How ever, if you've been coming under a lot-of pressure recently, you should get some recognition for your efforts around now. The weekend's going to be pretty hectic, with the main | BABY BLUES emphasis on travel. Be prepared for _ a few delays. CAMPING?? We CAN'T GO AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 CAMPING! WE DON'T Know Resist the temptation to make big | THe FIRST THING ABOUT It! changes — even though things don't —— — seem to be going too well for you right now. You might upset people Try to concentrate on the lighter A few problems that have been bur- side of life. And remember, Thurs dening you will finally be resolved. day could turn into a lucky day for Watch what you say to others. A you. Keep smiling and all will be simple joke on your part could be well soon Perceived as a terrible insult to a PISCES — Feb 19/March 20 more ‘ensitive person. Try to use It's going to be a rather quiet and more tact. Do not give in to an routine sort of week for you, but extravagant impulse some very good news is on the way VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 about an old friend you've been Don't meet people's objections head rather worried about. You'll get on this week; try to reason with some special pleasure out of an them instead. If you start anything investment you've just made, A new. don't let your enthusiasm mask special invitation will be coming in the possible pitfalls. If you keep a the mail realistic attitude, all wilt go well. you BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK Don't let pride get in the way of The next 12 months: ~ matters of the heart Your caution has kept you out of LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 trouble, but it has also kept you Routine matters dominate your ume — away from great opportunities, too. right now. You've got to see them If you really, really, want some through so you can sort things out thing, don't deny yourself Theres a for next month. Trust your own lot of change ahead for you, but judgement where business and remember, you are the master of your money is concemed — you're enter- own fate! Tis 5 Just VsHoutd f | 1 eNEW THAT THIS CAMPING BEAUTIFUL! / HAVE TURNED | TRIP WAS A GOOD IDEA THE —, BACK THERE ? Canadian Quiz-Cross by Maureen Azimov WIZ The Cast gar Sun ais Excellence in Service Award Presented to: Renee Read Chamber of Commerce ACROSS This award will be presented every week to someone in Castlegar who shows extraordinary service to his/her customers or clients. 1. To know: archaic 26. --- memoire 2. Elec. data processing 27. Int. Org. of Labor 28. Biblical weed 29. Alleges 31. Micmac child e.g. 34. Tattered garment 35. Caterwauling 37. Red Rose e.g 38. Rainbow goddess 39. 1000 marching steps 40. Type of eatery 41. Represented by Fe 44, Husband: Latin legal 1. Danny ----: Former boxer 5. Dough 3. Prefix meaning life 9. Fastidious attentiveness 4. Sir Robert ---: former . “Proper to one” PM Joined Confederation 5. Acting crew 1905 (abbr.) 6. "*-- to the poor” Prime roman numeral 7. -.- Foy: Quebec city Gretzky and Ismail, 8. Psychological complexes 9. Anderson novel: The 10. Prevaricated 11. Welland e.g. 16. “It weighs a 20. Intl. Refugee Organization 21. Vaulted church recess 22. “Pas de ---": Ballet 23. Arranged by CMHC 24. PM counterpart The recipients will receive an award plaque to keep courtesy of Kats Trophys and a lunch for 2, value to $20.00, courtesy of the Fireside Dining Room. Advertisement designers Pedigreed Servant Pearson and Mirabel term 45. A basis of human conduct 46. Goof 47. Indian transport . . . » ee eg. We'd like everyone in Castlegar to know there is an “Excellence in Service icumeiatee ot tee in their community, and to congratulate each of them personally. Bovid call Exterior arch surface ‘i . - shabby If you know of someone that offers "Excellence in Service,” call me, Jon Mone’ for wear Jarrett at 365-5266, or drop a letter at the Castlegar Sun with your suggestion. idealized loved one Eat abstemiously Machinery Behave exaggeratedly de France: avis: rarity ) ioeconomic status sae Sls TRRAYA, 52. Variation of Ireland er 53. --- factory: HBC supplier LO Lee at EAL Ch ghabyUNe saa ert ae