The Castlegar Sun Wednesday, February 10, 1993 Wednesday, February 10, 1992 The Castlegar Sun Ann Landers Syndicated Columnist This one is for parents Dear Ann Landers: Many years ago, you printed a letter from some distraught parents who had messed-up kids. Your Tesponse was so comforting that another woman had written ask ing you to repeat it. Now it's my turn, Ann. My kids are blaming me for ruining their lives. Will you please run that woman's letter one more time? Thanks. -- Feel- ing Guilty in Chicago Dear Chicago: With pleasure Here it is: Dear Ann; In 1976, you print- ed a beautiful response to "Meant Well Parents" — parents who had “worked hard to achieve the American dream, loved their kids, and tried to give them the best world ever,” yet who were suffer- ing from guilt over their “malad- justed, disoriented” children. Ann, I can't tell you how many times I have been comforted by your kind, reassuring words. Just the other day, after an emotional, guilt-laden talk with my own maladjusted child, I turned to my treasured copy for solace. You can imagine my grief when I dis- covered that my copy had been left in the pocket of my shirt, which had just been thrown into the wash. All that was left were bits and pieces. Please, Ann, run that column again as soon as pos- sible. I depend on it for reassur- ance and strength. -- Another Parent Who Meant Well Dear Meant Well: To you and the thousands of other parents who are miserable because of “what you have done" to your children, I say this: Stop beating yourselves. You did the best you could with the tools at hand: inex- perience, clay feet, the works. No one knows-why some children tum out to be champions in spite of parents who provided precious little emotional nourishment, while other kids — loved, wanted, tenderly nurtured, with all the so- called advantages — tur out per- verse, estranged and unable to cope. I have come to believe in the genetic factor that has ‘been ignored by many behavioral “experts.” We all inherit our ner- vous systems, and if the nervous system is fragile, it places severe limitations on what a person can tolerate. Certain individuals are born survivors. They can with- stand life's harshest blows and emerge the stronger for it. Others crumble in the face of minor adversity. The same fire that melts butter can make steel And let us not overlook per- sonal responsibility. I am sick and tired of hearing children blame their parents for their messed-up lives. People with all sorts of handicaps can and do make it in this demanding and competitive world. I see evidence of this “phenomenon” all around me -- and if you look closely, you will see it, too. For those who are hooked on drugs, there are drug-abuse cen- ters with trained personnel, eager and waiting to help. For individu- als who need professional coun- seling, there are mental health clinics. Self-help groups do a remarkable job -- and they are free: Alcoholics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Recovery, Inc., Families Anonymous, Par- ents United, Overeaters Anony- mous. The list is endless Enough of this"You damaged me, now take care of me” non sense. It's a cop-out. The parental guilt laid on by our kids is so thick you can eut it with a knife It serves no purpose except to Perpetuate financial and emotion. al dependence and create a cli mate of hostility, punishment and ultimate failure. God helps those who help themselves ARIES — March 21/April 20 This week will be filled with fun and socializing, You may receive a surprise visit from an old friend This will conjure up some fond me es and will inspire you to contact some other friends you haven't seen in a while, Use diplo macy when offering your opinion Your tendency to say exactly what's on your mind can be offensive TAURUS ~ April 21/May 21 You can play an important role in the lives of others this week. Listen sym pathetically to another's tale of woe Give help and advice but don’t let yourself become too involved with their problems or you might regret it later. Your finanggs need some reor ganization. Don't lend money, and try to keep spending to a minimum. GEMINI - May 22/June 21 You've been giving out a lot of good advice lately. Maybe you should consider a career in psychology. It's never too late, you know. Some interesting events that will happen this week may start you thinking of different options in life. You will find the answer within yourself CANCER ~ June 22/July 22 Take ume off this week to quietly plan your future actions. Pr could come before long. You could be undergoing an upheaval, which may involve property or a new job Don't try to push too much: every thing will fall into place in due course. A Libra-of the opposite sex will give you good advice LEO - July 23/August 23 You are a generous person and you “don't like having to be too practical with money, but right now you can’t afford to spoil loved ones or take risks. Try to work out a realistic bud get which will stand you in good stead for the rest of the year VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Check job opportunities for pos: tions that might become free in any club or ofganization you belong | as there will be some exaitin changes that could prove profit Friends will want to help you this week; you'll just have to ask! A lucky time for affairs of the heart LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Certain documents may need your urgent attention, but don't be rushed into signing papers or contracts; you mught regret it later. Be sure to read the small print very carefully. An out of town trip could be profitable. You will find yourself in a very senti mental mood ouion HOROSCOPES ‘ebruary 7-13 SCORPIO — Oct 24/Nov 22 Romance and intrigue will (ake up a great deal of your tithe. Your loved one will make a sincere gesture of intent. Try not to be caught off guard of you may end up promising the impossible. Plan & special date early in the week. The time is right to make a Career move. Listen to both sides of every story SAGITTARIUS — Nov 2¥Dec 21 The time has come to make some changes in your living environment Other members of your family, or perhaps some neighbor of friend will be happy te relieve you of wanted furniture and other house hold items, so check with them before you get rid of anything. Keep a tight hold on your money CAPRICORN -— Dec 22/Jan 20 During the next .few days, probably on Monday or Tuesday, older rela lives may contact you about their problems, so be ready to listen patiently. This tould be all that is required of you. Around mid-week a romance may turn up when you least expect it. The person is likely to be an Aries or Virgo AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 You will have a lot of extra energy this week, and you'll feel as if there's nothing you can’t accomplish. A pro ject you've been putting off will finally get oft the ground. Be careful about new financial arrangeméhts. obligations and promises —.and don't take on unnecessary burdens PISCES — Feb 19/March 20 Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't gel you anywhere. You should know that by now. If a recent upset hts gotten you down, try to look toward the future instead of dwelling on the past. A positive, happy attitude will set you in the right direction. You may want to seek the advice of an expert before making any major pur chasing decisions BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK The next 12 months: This year will prove to be an inter esting and productive one for you Many of your goals will be plished. You will leam about relationships and may even develop a new outlook on life. A Gemini youll meet sometime ‘soon could end up becoming a very good friend (or more). At the very least this person will have a major impact on your year. You will also see cer tain family members in’a different light and this could lead to Strengthened relatronships Calvin ana Hobbes MEETING SMILE AFTER SA’ ME-LILE IN THE Ap THERE'S A PAINT BY. NUMBERS KIT / IN THE | NOT USI! \ Canadian Quiz-Cross by Maureen Azimov a [5 ACROSS 1. Rub it in 6. Clammy 11. Complete works of a writer route Hypnotic state Oppressive heat Setestial accuracy Spreads hay 25 Relieve of tension 8° Scope 29. Memorable saying 30. Courtroom railings 32. Dear companion 34. Plant disease 35. Of limited size 37. Ratite bird 38. Large tank 41. Forms images 44, African river 46. Change by umiaut 49. Supply with cts 52. Storage i ptructores DOWN Superhuman being Protective shelter Foreigner Profess Bona fide Spinal cord substance Macro gametes Charged particles 7. Stir up interest Head wreath RV Gardner Breastbones 7. Move or casters Railway stop abbr Saw notch Leaf veins Ancient Egyptian capital Eponym LOOK FOR THE ANSWERS to the CROSSWORD in our CASTLEGAR SHOPPER Coming out this Saturday BABY BLUES CT